NEW YORK — An unhinged gamer has authored a real life love letter to video games, uncomfortable industry insiders have confirmed.
“Look, we all like Smash Bros. and those collections of old arcade games, and all the love letters to gaming that get released every year,” said Evan Lahti, editor in chief of PC Gamer magazine, one of many publications to receive the maniacal letter this morning. “But taking out an actual pen and paper and writing a love letter to video games? That’s pretty disturbing right there. So it’s just a letter? Not an actual game that also serves as a metaphorical love letter to the medium and its history? Is there a battle pass you can buy, or what am I not getting here?”
While members of the media were disturbed by the demented letter, local gamers were intriuged by the notion.
“Whoa, can I see it?” asked Cort Benton, a local gamer. “I think it sounds like something I need to get my hands on. I played through a half dozen different love letters to gaming last year alone, so I’m always interested in seeing what’s new for the genre. Oh, it’s like a real love letter? Dude, that’s the grossest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. I hope they fry that sick fuck.”
The love letter arrived anonymously at over a dozen video game and electronics themed magazines’ offices this morning, with no hints as to who was behind it.
“Ah, she’s a cruel temptress, this digital siren that has tamed my analog heart,” read one particular passage from the mysterious and gross message. “But after she’s read all of this letter she will almost certainly send me her devotion in return. It’s games that I love, make no mistake about it. Filthy, disgusting video games. I want to play them all night and leave the curtains open so the whole world can watch me. I don’t care. That’s how devoted I am. I could play them all night. Every night, baby.”
Police have confirmed that they have no concrete leads on the identity of the author of the deranged letter. As of press time, the love letter to gaming had a favorable score on Metacritic.