CALLING ALL GAMERS! Get excited boys and girls, because a huge deal just got announced for any video game fan to take advantage of. Mom, the woman who takes care of us and reaches our juice boxes in the fridge, has just released the hottest new bargain of the summer. If we can behave ourselves in Mass this Sunday, all the way through Communion without causing a ruckus, Mom has reluctantly agreed to buy us any one game we want from GameStop on the way home.
This is unprecedented for gamers, so act fast. Make sure that nobody blows it for us by making silly faces or noises during Deacon Chris’ homily, no matter how boring it may be. Our insider information has revealed that the second reading is going to be a letter from Paul to the Corintheans, so it’s going to be difficult to stay awake and not pretend to be jumping sick monster trucks over the pews in front of us, but we’re up for the challenge.
It’s not all good news, however, as Mom has just confirmed that she will need to comb our hair before we leave, and we may have to put our shoes on all by ourselves, but everything in life worth having takes hard work. This deal will not last long, so run, do not walk to your local parish and walk, do not run, up to receive the host like a good boy.
At press time, sources reported Mom may in fact be amenable to McDonald’s on the way home if we pick our game quickly and make sure it’s only rated E.