Here’s the Review We Would Write if We Could Play Helldivers 2

Posted on by Ajay Kaakarni

The wait is over! Helldivers 2 is here and we’re proud to serve our readers a timely, detailed review of the game – despite the fact we’ve been completely unable to play it. Naturally, we can’t let the game’s unexpected popularity, server issues, or needing to change up your BIOS settings get in the way of our journalistic duty to bring our readers a well-researched, informative review. Based on our experience with the game, here’s our take:

Helldivers 2 seems to be a game.

According to Google, it’s a “Shooter Game,” by Arrowhead Game Studios. It has around 450,000 concurrent players, of which we certainly weren’t included. Most shooters have guns, so we feel pretty comfortable assuming that. There’s a few on the cover, anyway. You use that gun (guns?) to shoot big bugs. Oh, and it’s third person. It’s also (probably?) the highly anticipated sequel to Helldivers 1, I assume – otherwise the name is crazy.

The story is a bit lacking. Or maybe it’s great. The bugs look like the bad guys. Maybe you’re the bad guy. The opening cutscene was funny – a tongue-in-cheek tone similar to Starship Troopers, which added some great comedic relief before we couldn’t dive right in.

Look, can I be honest with you? That’s basically all I got. I’m trying here. And we need the SEO juice of being first, so this article has to go up. Please just keep reading or maybe comment below what the game is like so I can fix my review. Ok, let’s get back to it.

We’re happy to report that the error screen you get when the servers are full is aesthetically pleasing and easy on the eyes. The font is legible, and a helpful timer sits just underneath, letting you know when it will retry to connect, which is perfect for folks who can’t play. Like us.

The timer usually counts down to zero then just restarts. A bit of a grind but also somewhat thrilling always imagining if this will be the time you get in.

It won’t be.

Overall, Helldivers 2 is a fun, chaotic co-op romp through space, we guess. That’s what we’re told. You might like it! Heck, it could just be okay. Or maybe it’s bad. That seems unlikely though? It’s hard to say, really. We’ve heard the devs are working on it 24/7. Must be a software problem. If there was a timeout for idle players sitting in their ships so they don’t have to worry about getting back in, we could deliver something more informative and well-rounded, but there isn’t, so this is the best we’ve got.

See you on the battlefield eventually, fellow Helldiver! For democracy! (That seems to be something people who get into the game say when they come out of it.)

I Never Thought I Was the Kind of Person to Fall for a Scam Until a Raccoon Told Me He’d Help Me Start an Island Village

Posted on by Matt Fresh

I never thought it could happen to me. No way would I ever fall for a scam. I thought I was smarter than that.

Turns out I was wrong.

No matter how smart you think you are, you can still be manipulated.

Over the years I’ve become disenfranchised with life. Late-stage capitalism has eroded society into something that becomes more miserable day by day. Once you’re aware of it, it’s hard to ever truly be fulfilled in a life that has you scraping by in a societal system that will never value you properly.

That’s how he got to me.

His name is Tom Nook, he’s a raccoon. He approached me claiming he could help me find purpose and meaning. My first thought was, “Great, a talking raccoon, I’m gonna be rich.” But he had grander plans.

“Life here is meaningless, you’ll never be happy,” he said, slowly seducing me into his scheme.

“Come with me to island paradise. Help start a village with other talking animals. Live in bliss.”

I couldn’t resist. A chance at a new peaceful life, living amongst talking animals and far away from the evils of capitalism. It was everything I ever wanted. I believed in him so I went.

At first, it seemed so reasonable. When we got to the island it was just us. We had to gather, we had to build. He couldn’t do it because he’s a raccoon so all the work fell to me but I did it because I wasn’t going to make a raccoon cut down trees and build houses.

Then he hit me with the first fee. 98,000 bells.

This was supposed to be a paradise island that we ran. How could it cost me 98,000 bells to build my own house on my own island? But he made it so convincing and I wanted this life with these animals so I went along. Anything to not have to go back to proper society.

He brought his nephews to the island first. He said they would help make it quicker and easier to build the village. They had items but they charged bells for everything. I bought them because I had to build to attract villagers but that made it harder to afford buildings so I had to work more. Before I knew it I was working night and day doing everything myself trying to build this village into my dream paradise while Tom Nook just collected all my bells.

I’m over half a million bells in debt to Tom now and my village isn’t even done. I don’t think it will ever be done, I don’t think he’ll ever stop collecting but I can’t leave. I have nothing left, if I leave I’m destitute so I must remain here and hope that one day my village will be complete and I can stop paying.

Learn from me. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. No matter how smart you think you are, a talking raccoon can come along at any moment and manipulate your emotions, scamming you out of everything.

Proud Moment: Activision Finally Sued for Something Other Than Sexual Harassment

Posted on by Alec Walker

Finally a little bit of good news for the gaming industry!

Activision is reportedly being sued by H3CZ and Scump, two of the most prominent figures in competitive Call of Duty, for allegedly controlling the Call of Duty e-sports league in a monopolistic way.

Hard Drive is dedicated to pointing out injustices in the gaming industry, but we’re also willing to acknowledge personal growth. So, we’d like to take a moment to give Activision the props they deserve for finally being sued for something unrelated to allegedly mistreating women in their offices. Bravo, Activision! We knew you had it in you!

It takes a lot of self-reflection to be able to admit you were wrong, which is exactly why Activision didn’t do that. They’re too busy making Call of Duty, the notoriously complete game which gets better and better each year! But, they must’ve realized settling out of court after allegedly sexually harassing women is a losing game, so they pivoted to a much more responsible hobby: allegedly extorting funds from the people who helped make their game popular.

Scump tweeted back in 2020 that Activision forced players to sign an exploitative contract without lawyers present by threatening to disallow them from competing. Well, maybe if H3CZ and Scump had let the Activision Executives smack their sweet little asses around the office every once in a while, they’d have gotten a better deal! I have no sympathy for anyone who doesn’t understand basic negotiation tactics.

Activision disregards this lawsuit as meritless, painting H3CZ and Scump as nefarious, money hungry bullies, dead set on punishing the little guy no matter the damage they inflict. I’m inclined to believe them because that’s a very specific accusation to make! Like, how did they even think of that? What’s that word again for when you’re totally right about someone and are coming from a place of good faith? Ah, it’s on the tip of my tongue. Oh! I remember! It’s projection! Activision is projecting. Phew, that would’ve bugged me all day if I couldn’t remember.

Well, however this ends, it will probably spell the end of the Call of Duty League as we know it. Sad for the fans, but judging by Activision’s repeated destructive decisions in regards to the league, it’s what they wanted all along! Another masterclass in business from the good guys. Congratulations to Activision once again, and we’ll see you for the next lawsuit! Don’t forget to comment what you think it will be!

Opinion: PS5 and Xbox Series X Are Too Old to Be Our Console War Candidates

Posted on by Matt Fresh

We have a huge problem with the console war this year. It’s 2024 and our two main candidates to fight for are both far too old. Both of the current candidates were released in 2020, which was four years ago and even then it was a stretch to say that they were at the cutting edge of video game technology.

The PS5 is officially in the late stage of its lifespan, according to Sony. Is that worth a console worth trolling strangers for? A console that could break down at any minute. A console that could end with its only major exclusives being remakes of remakes? That’s the console to cyberbully people over? Having the PS5 as the console being fought for in 2024 is courting disaster. There are already reports that PS5s are claiming to have downloaded Jak & Daxter despite that series being dead for years. PS5 needs Xbox games to come to it half the time to have a decent library. How are Playstation fanboys supposed to insult Xbox owners when they’re playing Xbox games?

The Xbox Series X isn’t a good candidate either. While it hasn’t been officially confirmed to be in the latter half of its lifespan, it’s not far behind. The Xbox Series X is so old that Xbox fanboys are still using Halo as ammunition against Playstation owners. They deserve better than that. The longer the Series X remains the candidate for the Xbox side, the longer gamers have to hear about Starfield from both sides.

Gamers deserve better than to have these two geriatric consoles as the ones they are forced to fight over. It’s time for newer consoles to take the stage. Ones that are in touch with the sensibilities of the current generation of gamers. Ones that are worth sending death threats over. More importantly than that, gamers deserve console war candidates that have games.

Recession Hits Mushroom Kingdom With 100 Coins Now Only Buying .5-Ups

Posted on by Nick Coffman

MUSHROOM KINGDOM – The gold coin doesn’t stretch nearly as far as it used to. Middle Class Toadstools and plumbers are struggling to afford their everyday necessities, including 1-Ups, which are now nearing a record high price of 100 coins for only .5-Ups. One of the kingdom’s top financial minds, Toadstool Economist, talked us through some of their latest findings.

“The pricing of these goods was always trending up. The problem is Nintendo,” said Toadstool Economist. “While the buying power of the coin dropped, Nintendo kept adding more and more coins to each level. This is fine early on, but once there are too many coins in circulation, inflation can decimate the middle class of the Kingdom.”

A recent survey found that three-quarters of middle-income Mushroom Kingdomonians said their earnings aren’t enough to make it into later stages of games.

“Many are cutting back on leisure expenses such as golf, tennis, and stealing stars at parties,” Toadstool Economist continued. “We hope the Olympics will pump some money back into the local economy, but that is just a short term solution for these long term problems.”

Toadstool Economist also shared some tips for those feeling the pinch in their coin purse.

“Skip a kart tune-up, throw less parties, maybe have a staycation instead of venturing out to Isle Delfino,” Toadstool economist shared. “But ultimately you’ll need to increase your collection of coins to keep up with rising prices.”

At press time several citizens were reportedly considering eating mini mushrooms to shrink themselves and save on monthly food costs.

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #976 February 20, 2024

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 20.

We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned,  then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.

 

Already Feb 21 at your location? Try our Wordle answer page for that day instead!

 

Wordle Hint Today 976 February 20, 2024

Wordle Hint Today
Today’s Wordle Hint

Here’s a hint with the meaning of today’s Wordle answer

 

To be equal or corresponding to something else in quality, quantity, or significance.

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter

The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“H”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter

The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“C”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Third Letter

The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“T”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today Second Letter

The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“A”

 

 

Wordle Hint Today First Letter

The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:

 

“M”

 

 

Today’s Wordle Answer

And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.

Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.

That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 216 days straight! So here goes nothing:

 

3…

 

 

2…

 

 

1…

 

 

The Wordle answer today is “MATCH”

 

 

Previous Wordle Answers With Their Definitions

 

Wordle Today – Answer And Hint For #975 February 19, 2024

 

Wordle #974 For February 18, 2024

“RIDGE“

A long, narrow, elevated area of land that forms a crest or a continuous line along the top of a mountain, or hill.

 

Wordle #973 For February 17, 2024

“PSALM“

A sacred song or hymn, typically from a specific titular Biblical book, which is a collection of religious poems and prayers found in the Old Testament of the Bible.

 

Wordle #972 For February 16, 2024

“STASH“

As a noun: a secret or hidden supply of something, typically valuable or desirable items.

As a verb: to hide or store something away, often for future use or for safekeeping.

 

Wordle #971 For February 15, 2024

“ASCOT“

A type of necktie or cravat that is typically worn with formal attire. It consists of a narrow strip of fabric that is folded over and tied in a manner similar to a scarf, with the ends tucked into the collar of a shirt.

 

Wordle #970 For February 14, 2024

“TALON“

A sharp, hooked claw of a bird of prey or a predatory animal, particularly one used for seizing and grasping prey.

 

Wordle #969 For February 13, 2024

“SCRAM“

An informal or colloquial verb that means to leave or go away quickly, often in a hurried or abrupt manner.

 

Wordle #968 For February 12, 2024

“PASTA“

A type of Italian food made from a dough typically consisting of wheat flour, water, and sometimes eggs, which is formed into various shapes and then cooked by boiling or baking.

 

Wordle #967 For February 11, 2024

“NEVER“

An adverb that indicates the absence of something happening or occurring at any time in the past, present, or future.

 

Wordle #966 For February 10, 2024

“FRIED“

An adjective that describes food that has been cooked in oil or fat until it becomes crispy and golden brown on the outside.

 

Wordle #965 For February 9, 2024

“STIFF“

An adjective that means inflexible, or not easily bent.

 

Wordle #964 For February 8, 2024

“PLACE“

A specific point or area in space, indicating where something is situated or located.

 

Wordle #963 For February 7, 2024

“AFTER“

A preposition that denotes the period following a certain moment or event.

 

Wordle #962 For February 6, 2024

“WHICH“

A pronoun, as well as an interrogative word that is used to introduce a clause that provides additional information about a noun.

 

Wordle #961 For February 5, 2024

“REPEL“

A verb that means to push away or drive back forcefully, or to cause strong dislike or aversion.

 

Wordle #960 For February 4, 2024

“VERGE“

A point at which something is about to happen or undergo a change.

 

Wordle #959 For February 3, 2024

“MICRO“

A prefix meaning small used in scientific, technical, and everyday language to denote something tiny in size or on a miniature scale.

 

Wordle #958 For February 2, 2024

“CLEFT“

An adjective that describes something that is split or divided, often into two parts.

 

Wordle #957 For February 1, 2024

“ALIVE“

An adjective that is characterized by the presence of vital signs, such as respiration, heartbeat, and consciousness.

 

Wordle #956 For January 31, 2024

“BULKY“

An adjective used to describe something that is large, heavy, and takes up a lot of space.

New Law Prohibits Giving Food or Drink to Players Waiting to Play Helldivers 2

Posted on by Matt Fresh

WASHINGTON DC — A new federal law inspired by similar legislation in Georgia is set to make waiting to play Helldivers 2 even more difficult, as it is now illegal to hand out food or drinks to those in line for the servers to open.

Georgia Governor Brian Kemp explained the rationale behind the law in a press statement.

“This is about maintaining the integrity of the game. We only want people of the strongest will to be Helldivers,” he said. “If they can’t handle the agonizing wait times then they should go do something else, we don’t want them. Giving them food or drinks empowers them to stay in line which keeps the servers full and eventually fills the game with undesirables.”

Many players are reportedly okay with this law as it means they’re more likely to get to play.

“Helldivers are the only thing defending freedom and democracy from the bugs and robots, we only want the best on the battlefield,” said player RedPilledFreedom84. “I don’t want to be fighting alongside weak specimens who can’t handle the wait. This law not only ensures that desirable gamers get to play but it suppresses people we don’t want from playing with us.”

Some players feel this law is a form of discrimination.

“They are doing this as an attack on players they feel are less worthy of defending managed democracy. Players that do not meet their standards of the perfect Helldiver. They want to make our wait as agonizing as possible in the hopes we quit. That’s what this is about, but it won’t work. I implore anyone who is in line to play to stay in line, we will get to play,” said player BugKilla.

At press time, anyone caught breaking the new law will reportedly be sent to the Ministry of Truth for reeducation.

Opinion: Mom Says It’s My Turn With the Helldivers 2 Server

Posted on by Nick Coffman

Mom told me to come in here and tell all 326,893 of you to get off the Helldiver II server. You’ve been playing all day and it’s my turn to play.

If you say, “Game is full, try again” again, I will scream at the top of my lungs until mom comes in and makes you all get off. Don’t try handing me the two-player controller, either. I know that trick now. The batteries are dead. Helldivers 2 doesn’t even have that kind of two-player mode.

It’s my game anyway. You didn’t even want to play it until all your stupid friends were talking about it. Now you think you’re all cool talking about “spreading managed democracy.” Maybe I want to spread democracy with my friends? You’re not even playing it right. You and your dumb friends keep blowing each other up on purpose.

No, I won’t go, “play Palworld and wait my turn.” That game is old and my friends don’t even play it anymore. I wouldn’t even know how to play it cause you hogged that too. You’re all just a bunch of game hogs and no one likes you. Not even mom and dad.

Gamer Moves Back to Hometown and Reconnects with High School Console

Posted on by Nick Coffman

SALEM, IL – Tired of life in the big city and fanning the flames of the console war, 30-year-old Stan Franks moved back to his hometown and started playing his childhood Xbox 360 again, Franks confirmed via an Xbox 360 party chat.

“Yeah, I’m playing my 360 again. I just forgot how easy things were back then,” Franks lamented into the microphone. “I wasn’t browsing company earnings to prove my console was the best. I wasn’t quote tweeting some CEO with a snarky comment about their console not having enough exclusives. I was just playing Call of Duty and getting called every slur in the book.”

Franks went on to share some of his favorite memories with his high school console.

“I’ll never forget the all-nighter to beat the Gears 2 campaign. I was so tired. Or shotgunning through five solo players to unlock the Overkill achievement in Halo 3. All those midnight releases, my 360 waited up all night for me to come home,” Franks said, trying not to choke up. “All these years later, this console is still surprising me. You remember that Yaris game? I booted it up the other day. It’s terrible, but we love it.”

Things took a sad turn as Franks speculated the longevity of this rekindled love.

“My 360 isn’t doing well,” Franks shared between sniffles. “It’s wrapped in a towel and everything is fine now, but there’s no telling when things will take a turn. I’m not going to obsess over time lost or wasted. I’m going to focus on right now and enjoy what time we have left together. You never know when your last ‘goodbye’ is going to be.”

At press time Franks had not responded to our last two Xbox party chat invites.

Top 10 Memory and Brain Games Joe Biden Should Avoid Playing Anywhere Near a Camera

Posted on by Hard Drive Reporter

Sources close to President Biden report he often uses video games to escape from the stress and scrutiny of his very public position as the leader of the free world. This may seem like a harmless hobby at first, but the President’s advisors are reportedly worried he’s constantly drifting into the dangerous territories of memory and brain games.

As a form of gamer patriotism, we’ve decided to compile a list of video and board games President Biden should absolutely never fire up if there’s any form of recording device around him. We repeat: A single leaked video of him attempting to play through any of these top 10 best memory and brain games could be the nail in the coffin for his reelection campaign. Mr. President, do not play these games in public.

10. Sudoku

Introduced in Japan by Maki Kaji, Sudoku is a famous number-placement puzzle game that challenges players to fill a 9×9 grid with numbers so that each column, row, and 3×3 subgrid contains all the numbers from 1 to 9. A video of the President playing this game is a guaranteed Trump second term. We’d highly recommend the President’s advisors ensure no one sees Biden play this game. And for god’s sake do not let him try to pronounce it either.

9. Brain HQ

Brain HQ is an online platform offering a variety of brain-training exercises to improve memory, attention, brain speed, people skills, intelligence, and navigation skills. It will not improve Biden’s poll numbers if he were to be filmed playing it.

8. The Genuine Fred Memoroni Memory Card Game

A compact and challenging memory card game featuring brightly colored cards with fun illustrations, suitable for kids, adults, and Presidents while no cameras are around.

7. Wordle

This viral, web-based puzzle game, now owned by the NY Times, allows players – presidential or otherwise – to have six tries to guess a five-letter word, with hints provided after each attempt to aid in solving. C O R N P – nope, that’s 6 letters.

6. Classic Disney Memory Matching Game Set

This is a memory game for kids featuring beloved Disney characters, requiring players to match pairs of cards while enjoying illustrations of characters. If a video of Biden playing this game leaked, your liberal friends would probably subtweet you for enjoying the resulting memes.

5. Menique, Flags of The World, Memory Matching Game

This educational memory game featuring recognizable flags from around the world is designed to enhance memory and geographic knowledge through matching pairs. We actually have it on good authority that the President’s team forces him to play this game in private as a form of geo-political practice. But any recording devices in the room while he does so are considered a national security threat.

4. Portal 1 and 2

This beloved puzzle-platform game where players navigate through a series of complex puzzles using a portal gun that shoots connected blue and orange portals would destroy the president’s approval numbers.

3. Elevate – Brain Training

Several top level advisors have helped President Biden steer clear of anyone seeing him play this mobile app offering personalized brain training exercises designed to improve cognitive skills such as memory, focus, math, and comprehension through daily challenges.

2. Civilization 6

Civ 6 tasks players to build and expand their civilization, engaging in diplomacy, warfare, and technological advancement to become the dominant world power. Reports confirmed Biden was the first president in history to refuse to play it infront of White House doctors.

1. This scientist-created game:

Simply put: a video game designed by scientists to specifically target and enhance short-term memory in older adults poses too high of a PR risk. What if it doesn’t work? Or even worse – what if it does? Keep this thing away from the President.