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All Healing Items Spent During Boss Fight Player Is Required to Lose

LONDON — Police were called to the scene of a disturbance in the early hours of this morning, as Chris Macklyn was reportedly making a scene in his apartment, having realized that he’d used hours of hoarded healing items in a boss fight that he was required to lose.

“I thought he was damn well about to put his PlayStation through the wall!” said Macklyn’s roommate, Walter Stavey. “I thankfully heard him shout ‘I AM GOING TO THROW THIS FUCKING CONTROLLER’ before he threw that controller, so I was able to duck it in time. Shame about the lamp, though. I’m really glad help arrived before it got much worse. That said, I totally get why he’s so pissed. That’s bullshit, dude.”

Officers were able to enter and deescalate the situation, preventing Macklyn from doing irreparable harm to his gaming systems and other valued possessions.

“Yeah that kid was going wild in there,” said officer James McLavish. “He was swinging this computer monitor around on its cord like a goddamned lasso, and I was able to talk him down by reminding him that he can play a game that has more respect for his time and efforts if he’d like. I get called out to stuff like this all the time, it really breaks your heart.”

Macklyn addressed the situation after taking several hours to calm down and reflect on the events that had transpired.

“I was too stunned to pull the plug during the cutscene after the fight, and then I saw the autosave icon appear and I just lost my shit,” he said, sipping Mountain Dew out of a coffee mug in his kitchen. “At least 55 hours of carefully saving up Healing Potions, Antidotes, and Restoration Scrolls, and they have the nerve of dropping me into a fight with the Big Bad and not even let me kill the damn thing?”

“I could’ve sold all that shit and outfitted the whole party with better armor, because apparently even though I’m 10 levels higher than I should be for this section I’m not allowed to win,” he added. “Fuck that!”

Officers decided not to bring Macklyn in on any charges, letting him off with a warning instead and stating that “that sort of bullshit should really be in a cutscene or something.”

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