SAN FRANCISCO — In a monumental win for workers at Rock the Boat Studios, the Boat Rockers’ Guild, a union made up of over 100 workers across multiple job titles, successfully negotiated to shorten their work week from ten days to nine days. Boat Rocker President and lead negotiator for the guild, Dean Williams, shared the details of the new deal in a video to guild members.
“With this new deal, developers, artists, QA testers, and so many more get one step closer to achieving a healthy work-life balance,” WIlliams shared, as uproarous cheers rang through the offices of Rock the Boat. “Those looking to spend more time with family have that option now. Those looking to start a family…I would hold off on that for a bit. Our demands for longer paternity leave periods were stopped at the gate. But onward we go!”
The new contract comes after a month-long walkout that halted all work on Rock the Boat’s upcoming real-time strategy game WaveStorm, which is supposed to be the big return of the genre. The game’s development has been harrowing for workers. Long hours, poor work conditions, and online backlash to decisions made in the game’s development have had many workers considering a career change.
“Studio leadership heard your concerns and they were ready to throw out all the stops, besides parental leave, to help improve morale and make this a happy family,” Williams said, as he held up a pillow and a gun. “All workers will have a pillow supplied to them. This is for sleeping under the desk when you WANT to stay late and work toward our fast approaching deadlines. They have also agreed to allow workers the opportunity to take paid time off to kill one angry gamer. That’s what the gun is for.”
CEO and founder of Rock the Boat, George “Boat Smasher” Quine, spoke to press after the announcement.
“They’re just so mean. I give and give and give and they just take and take and take. Why are they so mean to me,” Quine asked in tears and snot bubbles as he rocked back and forth on his office couch while craddling a large bag of money. “I just want to make money and eat caviar and hang out with other cool rich people on their cool big boats and scheme together to control and overthrow governments, and these stupid poors hassle me for time off to go take care of their dumb poor kids. This is all just too much.”
At press time Quine soloed a plate of caviar while Googling “How to Replace Workforce with AI Free Online”.
