A cozy, welcoming apartment in the thriving city of Ashfield. Recently cleaned, enjoy an open-plan kitchen, south-facing windows, and in-unit laundry. A state of the art bathroom features plumbing capable of accommodating the widest of asses. Friendly to rabbits!
Sleep peacefully, knowing you’re kept safe by a state of the art security system. An intricate series of locks, chains, and hallucinogens ensure that no one’s getting out into the real world. Or in. But don’t worry about missing out on the outside world. A high-definition peephole allows you to stay up to date on the horrors afflicting your neighbors.
Member of an artistic profession? Then this place is for you! Find inspiration in gorgeous rust-colored paints and visions of horrors that will eat away at your very soul. Spelunkers, don’t feel like you’re missing out! Enjoy venturing into strange tunnels, with no guarantee which world you’ll end up in!
Steeped in history, Room 302 has seen the birth of famous figures. Enjoy sharing a building with the guy who’s son has some seriously repressed urges. Take comfort in the fact that the recent increase in homicides are merely an outlier.
Only steps away from the subway and hospital, and merely a smooth half-day’s drive from Silent Hill. Don’t miss out on the apartment of a lifetime.
Please include a copy of your ID, proof of employment, blood sample, and six months rent.
