GREENVILLE, Del — Following his departure from the White House, Former President Joe Biden has resolved to use his new free time to finally tackle his Steam Backlog.
“I would just keep buying these games when I’d see them on sale, but I never had the time to sit down and play them,” said former President Biden in between generous licks of a vanilla swirl ice cream cone. “I was able to play so much stuff back when I was Vice President since I had so much time on my hands, but it turns out when you’re president they don’t give you any time for serious gaming. It’s a little intimidating to decide which one to start with. I haven’t even touched Baldur’s Age Erdtree but according to the forms that is a hell of a time sink. I remember back in my day you could be done with a game on a weekend, now it can take my entire remaining life expectancy.”
Biden’s wife Jill is reportedly pleased that her husband has found something to occupy his time now that he’s left office.
“I’m just glad Joe has something to do with his time,” said the former first lady. “It also helps that it isn’t a hobby he feels the need to flaunt about. Imagine if he got into painting or something like that. I’d rather jump into traffic than put up with another subpar art gallery from a former president.”
Video games historian Hester Grantiea spoke to the press to discuss the influence Biden’s presidency had on the last few years of gaming.
“The effects of the Biden presidency in gaming history is going to be noticed for another few years.” Grantiea said. “We as a culture need time to digest it. The last few years of gaming were taken up with villains that resemble Donald Trump or Elon Musk. The good news for Mr. Biden is that he won’t need to deal with any commentary about him or his lackluster actions, so he’ll be able to game in peace.”
At press time, Biden’s son Hunter has reportedly been trying to get him into Marvel Rivals, claiming that the characters are “rocking bodacious dump trucks”.
