WASHINGTON — The long awaited confirmation hearing of President Trump’s new Secretary of Treasury was held Thursday Morning. During the hearing Mr. Van Der Linde spoke about how he and the president were working together to bring about the economic plan he promised during his campaign. Insisting we all have a little goddamn faith because he has a plan.
“Look goddamn it, all I’m asking is that you people put your trust in me here,” Dutch Van Der Linde could be heard saying in Washington Thursday morning. “I’ve never led you astray before alright. Me and Donald are gonna handle it. We have a plan and you’re just gonna have to trust me, alright? Now, how many of you have robbed a bank before?”
Many senators remained unimpressed and even concerned by this pick after the hearing. Senator Klobuchar’s mouth was agape when Mr. Van De Linde described a possible scenario where he would hijack and rob Canadian trains and give that money directly to the American people.
“I don’t see how exactly a career criminal is the best choice for this position the president could come up with,” said Senator Raphael Warnock when asked outside Capitol Hill. “When I tried to ask him about any sort of actual experience he might have that would justify his nomination he just ranted about how he dealt with ‘those filthy bastard O’Driscolls’ which was surprisingly violent and disturbingly detailed.”
President Trump made a brief comment about the hearing in between signing his 15th democracy shattering executive order of the day.
“I love Dutch. Dutch is very good. One of the best train robbers I’ve ever met. Classy guy to, always dresses well. I call him Dapper Dutch. We both love money and have a lot of it. We both have concepts of a plan. Dutch is gonna do tremendous things and he’s going to do them bigly.”
Mr. Van Der Linde was not available for comment after the hearing as he immediately hijacked a plane leaving from Dulles Airport to Tahiti later that day.
