PASADENA, Calif. — After eight long years, the wait for a second Trump Presidency is finally over. But as the Commander-in-chief eases his way into the most powerful position in American politics, eagle-eyed Trump fans have noticed the 78 year old man is still drifting forward, a defect that was expected to be fixed in this second iteration.
“Look at this tilt!” says MAGA supporter, Turk Mendelsen, holding a protractor up to a recent image of Trump meeting with California Governor Gavin Newsom. “That’s a 15 degree tilt. Now compare that to this image of Trump in 2017 giving a totally hinged press conference on the White House lawn. It’s the exact same bias! This was supposed to be a new and improved presidency, not the exact same. Who could have seen this coming?”
This noticeable drift isn’t the only abnormality Americans expected to be fixed in the four years since Trump was last in office. A major complaint regarding Trump’s first term was the amount of time he actually spent in office, an issue that seems to have had no influence on Trump’s first week of his second term.
“President Trump signed over 100 executive orders on day one,” says White House Chief of Staff, Susie Wiles. “And to him that accounts for 100 days in office, so naturally he’ll be spending the next three months on the golf course.”
Disappointed Republicans are still giving Trump the benefit of the doubt, while Democrats lament any thoughts they had that this next gen administration would be any different.
“You can’t just slap a coat of black paint on a MAGA hat and sell it to us for $500!” Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez told viewers during a white wine fueled rant on Instagram live. “And the magnets! Give me a break about magnets, it’s literally the least they could’ve done.”
At press time, under Joe Rogan’s advice President Trump has begun applying WD-40 to his hips and knees in an attempt to fix his drifting.
