ADVENTURE BAY — Following a decade of crime fighting, the Paw Patrol has been defunded and its members have been put down. Recently elected Mayor Humdinger says it’s all part of an aggressive new vision for Adventure Bay.
“The Paw Patrol has been disbanded and replaced with a more sensible and obedient human police force,” Humdinger said, surrounded on stage by his little kittens. “For too long, Ryder and his pups have run amok in Adventure Bay. You gave them a tower and vehicles, they asked for mobile bases and bigger vehicles. You asked for their protection, they ran off to Barkingburg on an all expenses paid trip, that you paid for. This unchecked spending must come to an end. Adventure Bay will no longer pay. Say it with me everyone: Adventure Bay will no longer pay.”
Humdinger continued a few more times before realizing no one in the crowd was shouting along. Following an awkward silence, the mayor opened up for questions, most of which related to the fate of Ryder and his pups.
“Ryder has been shipped off to a Foggy Bottom orphanage. The pups have been rounded up and are going to be put down,” Humdinger said to a chorus of gasps. “What?! It’s the humane thing to do. Once a pup gets a taste for civil service, it never stops being a civil servant. We’ve already ‘taken care of’ Zuma and Rocky since they were underused and we figured that news would sting you a little less. Skye, Marshall, and Chase, on the other hand, will be publicly executed in the coming days.”
Members of the press displayed anger and outrage at the news as Humdinger smiled down from his podium. Several reports asked about the fate of Rubble, the construction pup on the Paw Patrol’s payroll, who had not been mentioned in the mayor’s plans.
“For those of you wondering about Rubble, yes, he has been spared from my wrath, er, I mean plan,” Humdinger said as he stroked one of his kittens. “Aside from him being an adorable bulldog, I can’t bring myself to order the execution of a contractor who is not only forklift certified, but is timely as well. Do you know how hard it is to find a timely contractor?”
At press time Adventure Bay’s new police force had been gifted a Cybertruck, a Dodge Charger, and a brand new battle tank, all from the office of Mayor Humdinger.
