WASHINGTON — RFK Jr. Shocked reporters attending a press conference on Saturday when in a completely unprompted diatribe he confessed to “Doing a human centipede once.”
“Yeah, you wouldn’t believe the kind of things that have happened back at the lodge, ” said Kennedy, ignoring a question about healthcare reform. “There was even the time I was doing a human centipede once. So I was in the middle, and you’d think the worst part would be getting caca in the chompers but that’s happened a few times before. I was prepared for that.”
Reporters were caught in a state of stunned silence for a few moments as President-elect Trump’s appointee for the Department of Health continued to ramble about his reenactment of the 2009 film.
“When I think about making America healthy again, I think about the innovations brought forward by visionaries like Josef Heiter from The Human Centipede” said RFK, scratching his upper lip. “His operations still prove to be leagues safer than the horrible operations pushed by the woke left on America’s children.”
When asked for comment on RFK Jr.’s absurd confession, house representative Nancy Pelosi stated the following:
“I am shocked and appalled at the audacity of Trump’s choice for the Department of Health. No one making such unsafe and reckless decisions, whether for the public or for themselves, should have so much power over the health of the American people.”
At press time, Representative Pelosi cast her vote in favor of the “Replicate Human Centipede 3” Bill, which authorizes prisons to attach prisoners ass-to-mouth.
