REEDSPORT, Ore. — The nationally syndicated radio show “Delilah” has publicly banned Stardew Valley resident Clint for an unprecedented amount of song requests and inappropriate behavior.
“I really can’t believe this is happening,” said Clint in a now deleted X post. “It’s frankly a violation of my First Amendment rights. I would only call maybe a few dozen times a night to hear ‘Dreaming With a Broken Heart’ by John Mayer. A MASTERPIECE! Maybe one day she will hear it…”
While Clint says he is adamant about keeping the subject of his desires secret, he has reportedly said her full legal name on the air many times.
“Sometimes he would disguise his voice so I wouldn’t know it was him,” recounted the radio show’s longtime phone screener. “He got really good at some of the characters he would do, and it would slip by me. There was a blustery British man, a blue-collar Bostonian, and one time there was a really tasteless Chinese accent. But the longer he would talk on air, it would all fall apart. Especially when he revealed his crush’s full home address and place of work after requesting ‘Jar of Hearts’ by Christina Perri.”
The final straw came two nights ago when Clint slipped by the phone screener yet again, hoping to hear “Every Breath You Take” by The Police.
“He started to go off on another tangent about a farmer in his town that was ruining his life and stealing her away from him,” said Delilah, host of the eponymous program. “But I could hear these wet, slapping sounds in the background between his sobs. Luckily, my producer cut the live feed before he started moaning, ‘Emily, oh, Emily.’”
While Clint is banned for life on “Delilah”, this incident drew the attention of radio’s porta-potty “Loveline”, where Clint has been offered to appear as a paid, weekly guest.
