SAN DIEGO — Skateboarding legend and philanthropist Tony Hawk was seen tiptoeing through his house in the dark of night, nervously looking to his left and right in order to make sure nobody was watching before booting up and playing “Skate 3” on his Xbox 360, sources confirm.
“Look, I get it. The guy needs to unwind sometimes, and who wants to be staring at their own polygonal face on screen whenever they do a virtual pop shove-it?” neighbor Bobby Allen said in a statement. “Sometimes it’s nice to not have to worry about your franchises and just do what you do best: show those freaking posers that you’re still the king, even in a video game.”
Local punk and skateboarder Kyle Fuller reacted to reports that, after making sure that no one was watching, Hawk breathed a sigh of relief, then looked around a second time to ensure there wasn’t anyone who could document him showing those “Skate” nerds a thing or two.
“Ok, like, sure, maybe the dude’s not coming down to the local half-pipes anymore, but he’s still the best,” said Fuller. “Sometimes at night the guys and I will pull up at his place with binoculars and just watch him go to town in Skate 3. Man, the dude’s still got it…uh, wait, don’t tell anyone I said that thing about the binoculars.”
According to Hawk’s spouse, Catherine Goodman, “Skate 3” is just a nice way for her husband to wind down after a long day, and that’s all there is to it.
“So he doesn’t play Pro Skater—big whoop! He’s still a Pro Husband, let me tell you. After a night of really going at it in the sack, he deserves to play whatever he wants,” Goodman said. “Why do you losers even care, anyway?”
At press time, Hawk was spotted putting on a helmet and knee-pads and downing a Red Bull before returning to the couch to absolutely clown on some in-game fools.
