The Lost Woods – After having a large rock dropped on his head by a deranged silent lunatic, a local Korok was shocked to learn that he is no longer covered under the Great Deku Tree’s health insurance.
“I was just minding my business, hiding from my buddy Hestu, and this blonde kid uprooted the rock I was under. After realizing he wasn’t Hestu I tried to reason with him, giving him my one and only possession, he took it and still clonked me on the head!” said the small woodland creature sporting a large head bandage, “After describing my assailant to law enforcement they told me the one person who matched my description died 100 years ago, can you believe this?”
The Koroks, who are children of the forest, protected by the Great Deku Tree, are typically covered under a lucrative health insurance policy complete with great benefits and a low copay.
“I have no idea how this coverage plan could have lapsed,” said the Great Deku Tree, stoically sitting where he has for the last 10,000 years. “I guess I have been pretty busy watching over this sword that seals the darkness, and then there’s the whole Calamity Ganon thing people are freaking out about, maybe I just spaced on that one payment, I do have over 900 children after all, you try keeping all those insurance records straight.”
Dr. Omar Ellixson, a Hyrulian health care practitioner, is one of the few Hylians who can see the species of little wooden people, making him the sole Korok medical professional this side of Death Mountain.
“It’s an extremely busy practice,” said Dr. Ellixson in between patients. “Some of these little guys have been living under a rock for decades, overdue on vaccinations and routine medical checks. I wish we could provide affordable healthcare to all the species of Hyrule, but the greedy capitalists in Hyrule Castle would rather squeeze every last rupee out of the little guy.”
At press time, the poor concussed Korok has had to join the Hestu Dancers just to afford his skyrocketing medical bills.
