The year is 2024. Humanity has fallen. A semi-niche fantasy RPG with dragons and magic includes minority groups I personally dislike.
Clearly, the world has come to an end before my very eyes.
As I write this, from my secured apartment bunker in an undisclosed location right next to a cute little corner store still untainted by the forces of Woke, I hear banging at my front door.
“SELECT THE OPTION!” I hear them yell, as the Mad Mew Mew battering ram slams into my door. “SET YOUR GENDER OPTION TO NONBINARY, NOW!”
I clutch my Macbook, burning my hands as it struggles to run my stolen early copy of Dragon Age: The Veilguard. I don’t even like Dragon Age, but alas, for the forces of Facts and Logic, I must play. I must look. I have to.
I won’t relent. I may only have a 6th grade education, but God damn it, I know that boys don’t have boobies, and girls don’t fart. The transgender horde can’t convince me otherwise.
How could they? How could this game I don’t really care about lay down their morals? It’s a medieval setting! They can’t do complicated surgeries! Their magic doesn’t let them! It’s just not historically accurate!
My door comes down with a slam. The Woke Mob with their pronoun pins and blue hair, grab me by the shoulders, claiming my suffering laptop. “No!” I yell. “You can’t do this! The franchise’s integrity—”
I’m cut off by what appears to be their terrifying leader, a towering, glass-eyed shark-thing, fins plush even as the ‘IKEA BLAHÄJ’ tag scrapes my cheek. “Shh, we have you now. Put on the thigh-highs, and you will be spared.”
I thrash and scream as the socks are put on. Cheap, striped, straight off Amazon, another company bent to the will of the Left. I feel my will fading. I black out.
When I come to, alone in my suspiciously pristine apartment, I look down to find my Macbook in my lap, Veilguard open. To my horror, my untouched character now has *horrific* top surgery scars. I gasp in shock at the tiny, barely visible lines below my character’s chest. I can’t remove them — that would mean they’ve won.
Sobbing, I curl up on the floor, writing a tweet and sending it as tears stream down my face.
“They transed me. They fucking transed me.”
