NASHVILLE — Conservative pundit Matt Walsh’s newly released film for the Daily Wire, “Am I Racist?”, has broken the world record for shortest feature film with a runtime of 1 second.
“One second, one word.” Walsh clarified on a recent episode of his podcast. “No, not another one of those words I could say in the span of a second, just a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”
The move sparked some confusion, with several Sweet Baby Gang members noting that the official promos for the film are well over a second. But Walsh elaborated that the change was made to keep up with the 2020s’ “attention economy of brain rot.”
“We wish Candace was still collaborating with us and not the Tate Brothers,” added Ben Shapiro on Walsh’s show, “but they’ve both cracked the code to the best way to propagandize confused, lonely, directionless young men; on YouTube Shorts and TikTok, with brevity!”
Walsh spoke out against Guinness officials who refuse to acknowledge the record as legitimate.
“It’s a travesty that the woke leftist publishers behind the Guinness Book of World Records won’t acknowledge a historic achievement like this,” Walsh lamented. “Do they have any idea of the restraint it took to edit out the segments of me slandering children’s hospitals and advertising plushies of me in diapers? Doesn’t the left wish that we said less and shut the hell up more, anyways?”
Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing saw fit to acknowledge the runtime at a recent presser for the film.
“Should ‘racist’ be Matt Walsh’s middle name like ‘boring’ is basically my last? Is the guy who refereed a Nazi diaper wrestling match racist? Is the guy who conflated ‘Western’ and ‘Anglo Saxon’ culture on his radio show racist? Is the pope Catholic? Is there not a single intentionally funny line in Mr. Birchum? Guess you’ll have to pay our $156 annual membership fee to find out in a second, but we’re sure you can guess where Vegas would put their money on this one.”
At press time, Walsh is set to break his own record with the planned sequel, Am I Transphobic.
