WASHINGTON — Developers of Presidential Election 2024 have just released an extensive patch that includes many changes, the biggest of which being the complete removal of Donald Trump’s assassination attempt from the public consciousness.
“We were really excited about it when we added it,” wrote lead developer Tyson Kojak in a blog post that accompanied the patch notes. “We thought it would shake things up and make it more exciting for players but after a few weeks engagement with it just kind of petered out and our data shows that basically no one cares anymore. So we figured that the best course of action would be to just completely remove it rather than have it remain and waste resources we could be putting into other things that as of now are a little half-baked, like JD Vance donut shop visits.”
The patch had an immediate effect on both players and Trump himself, who during a recent rally forgot his own assassination mid speech.
“Let me tell you folks, the Dirty Dems are at it again. They’re at it again, yes they are. Trying to downplay what they did to me. I did everything right, everything fairly and they tried to… what did they try to do folks? You know. They know. They tried to… but many people are saying that I and this is true that I am the strongest willed individual to ever live and I might be. I might be folks, no one has a stronger will than me because we all know what happened. I know, you know. The late great Hannibal Lecter, he knows too, he’ll tell you over dinner. He’s gonna have you for dinner.”
Many Trump fans are outraged at the patch and are refusing to download the update.
“The corrupt woke devs may try to remove this from history but we don’t have to go along with it. We will stand in solidarity together, we will remain on the previous version of this election and the cowardly attempt on Trump’s life by the woke mob will never be removed from our minds. The sheeple will not win,” wrote WhiteRights305783 on X – the Everything App.
At press time, every user on the latest patch responded to WhiteRights305783’s post informing them that there was no assassination attempt, and that they simply made it up for attention.
