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Boxing Gold Medalist Wrongly Accused of Having Unfair Advantage

PARIS — Controversy has overtaken the world of Olympic Boxing as recent Gold Medal winner Matt is facing harassment after being wrongly accused of having an unfair advantage over his competitors. 

Both Matt and his coaches have come out with statements condemning the accusations. 

“I want to make it very clear that Matt did not have an unfair advantage over any of his opponents and he definitely isn’t overtuned,” claimed head coach Kazuchika Takeshita who moonlights as a Nintendo game developer. “Matt is simply an elite level boxer and the only advantage he has is his opponents lack of skill. If his opponents spent more time getting good instead of making baseless accusations maybe they would have done better.”

Matt himself is planning on pursuing legal action over what he claims is defamation.

“To see everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve be trivialized by these false accusations is heartbreaking and fills me with rage. I have looked into my legal options, my coach knows some great lawyers at Nintendo who are all too happy to help. I’ve tried so many sports before finding my calling in boxing. I’m absolutely terrible at tennis and baseball but boxing, that’s my calling. I’m a multiple time champion and I even spend my off time coaching the next generation of boxers that I then destroy.”

Despite all the evidence pointing to Matt simply being an extraordinarily skilled boxer, some are continuing to believe the ridiculous and baseless claims about him.

“I trained with Matt for a while and under his guidance I was able to breeze through most of my competition before facing him for the championship and he hit me with absolutely unreal combos right out of the gate,” claimed Jackson Hale on Twitter. “I couldn’t defend myself, I couldn’t get a hit in and even when I did he just kept coming. I was a champion in several other sports by the time I fought him and he still handled me like a ragdoll. It definitely wasn’t me not being good, he was just unfair, I was fighting in the Mii League but he fights like a Punch-Out boss. His presence is bad for the integrity of the sport.”

At press time, many of those who have been relentlessly harassing Matt online are reporting that they are extremely distraught and offended over being told they should simply git gud.

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