Press "Enter" to skip to content

Marvel Snap Adds Alan Moore Card That “On Reveal, Adds Weird Sex Stuff to Every Location”

IRVINE, Calif. — Second Dinner, the studio behind “Marvel Snap,” announced in their most recent newsletter that the next card to be added to the popular online game would be renowned comic writer Alan Moore. Marvel fans will know Moore for his character-defining work on “Captain Britain,” and everyone else will know Moore for all the weird sex stuff he writes about. 

The announcement states, “Fans have been suggesting we add writers and artists to the games since Snap first launched, and we’re all thrilled to honor Alan Moore with his own card. He’s a three-cost, two-power card that adds weird sex stuff to every location. We’ve been noticing a real lack of pervy, unexpected, and sometimes deeply uncomfortable gameplay in the current meta, and we think Moore will help us fill that hole. Pun intended.” 

Players who were lucky enough to grab the Alan Moore card from the Spotlight Cache on day one offered some thoughts on social media.

On the more positive side, Reddit user beepmynosecrack32 stated that they found the card, “…easy to add to pretty much every deck type. My opponent can usually anticipate my next move when I’m using a discard deck, but when I play Alan Moore and two penises emerge from the cloaca of their Reptile, it really throws them off. Groot yelling, ‘I AM GROOT’S WOODY PHALLIC ROOT DICK,’ helps too.” X user Baileyboo42 was less enthusiastic, tweeting, “When my cards start licking each other’s nipples, It’s hard to keep track of what I have on the board. There’s also like, a loud moan whenever Venom eats a card? Is that a bug?”

As for Moore himself, he seems pretty displeased with Second Dinner’s use of his likeness.

“I’ll be suing to have my name taken off the bloody card just as soon as I get done with my next wizard orgy,” tweeted Moore in a rare public statement. “The weird sex stuff these phone game blokes have tossed artlessly into their pitiful excuses for interactive children’s entertainment is, quite frankly, an amateur’s idea of what weird sex stuff looks like. I believe the establishment is afraid to show the subjects of their fascist iconography sucking or fucking anything more imaginative than a prick or a vulva. Bloody sad state of affairs.”

“Marvel Snap” is an important, groundbreaking piece of art that has redefined the medium and is available to download for free now.

Hello adventurer! Please collect five USD skins a month and head to our Patreon.
Become a patron at Patreon!