Home Office – A perfectly organized, hyper-optimized personal work space inside Tommy Garner’s apartment will allow him to totally focus on a work deadline which passed by hours ago, sources still scrolling amazon for work optimization tools and gadgets, confirmed.
“I have this new desktop dry erase board, it also charges my phone,” Garner said as angry Slack messages from team members wondering where the hell he is pinged him over and over again. “I can make a to-do list there and then when I’m done with something, I cross it off – all while charging my phone, which was also on my to-do list. So that’s two things I’m checking off.”
Garner’s new snail mail organization system, which has perfectly labeled shelves for “unopened” “opened and unimportant” and “opened and important” mail was reportedly put together during a zoom call he was supposed to attend about the deadline he missed.
“Right next to the mail shelving unit I have this new digital clock, it also charges my phone,” Garner said. “Almost every device on my work station now charges my phone and allows me to create to-do lists, it’s great.”
A stream deck positioned very neatly across from Garner’s keyboard had a variety of pre-programmed work optimization buttons, which he said allowed him to be more productive.
“This one opens up all my emails, this one checks the news, and watch if I push this one it’ll open up all my slack messages in perfectly sized windows,” Garner said before hitting the button and crossing an item that said ‘Slack’ off three nearby to-do lists. “Hold on I missed all of these messages. Oh god. Oh boy, ok I need you guys to get out of here.”
Experts in work optimization confirm that work from home employees can benefit from spending 40-50% of their time every day creating a well-organized personal space to focus.
“What you really want to do is wake up every day with a routine,” said work from home expert Sally Liang. “The first thing you’ll need is an air duster and 5 pounds of universal dust cleaner gunk – the play doh-like stuff you can rub on your keyboard. Then you want to get a nice environmentally friendly spray cleaner for the entire surface area of your desk – and a special screen-friendly cloth for your monitor. Use each of these while also sorting through all of your junk mail, and make sure you tick each thing off your whitebox to-do list as you complete them. This should just about bring you to the end of the day when it’s time to pack up and hit it again tomorrow.”
As of press time the project Garner had missed deadline on had been canceled as executives pivoted to a different doomed, short-sighted cash grab.
