NO BS HQ – Dave Bernard, 33, has reportedly found himself surrounded by a professional podcast set and top-of-the-line audio/video recording equipment almost immediately after he began expressing right wing beliefs for the first time in his life, sources confirmed.
“Basically everyone gets to vote with their dollar. We all vote for the best game and the person who made it, they get the money. It’s voluntary,” Bernard said as a series of fully adjustable soft box lights popped up all around the room, lighting him perfectly during the monologue. “The Balatro guy is probably rich now – but we all handed over the money voluntarily. It’s not immoral for him to amass that wealth. Aren’t we happy he had the financial incentive and freedom to deliver us such a great game?”
Sources close to Bernard said his rant failed to mention any considerations of the massive government investments which made the individual gains of the lucky few possible, or any corporate welfare or government corruption which tips the scale in favor of those who have already succeeded at the expense of everyone else. They also mentioned that the metrics for Bernard’s rant were off the charts and someone needs to sign this guy right now because he’s going to be a star.
“Imagine waiting around for the games on Putin’s console,” Bernard added as his inbox flooded with offers from right wing subscription podcast networks. “Central planning cannot adequately deliver high quality games – or much of anything for that matter.”
Bernard’s first-ever expression of more right-leaning beliefs reportedly happened simultaneously with the booking and immediate sell out of a nationwide live podcast tour for the “Bernard ‘NO BS’ Hour.”
“People trade their time for money. So if you steal their catalytic converter, you’re stealing their time – their life.” Bernard said, signing off on a large shipment of ‘This Mug Contains No BS’ for subscribers. “Breaking into a car is murder and lethal force is fully justified.”
Experts say this isn’t the first time a hit podcast was created in this fashion.
“This is how new media stars are born. Although based on a quick scan of the material I fear this guy isn’t divisive enough to really make it to the top,” Allan Jefferys, head of Yale’s Journalism department. “I was stuck in traffic next to a guy ranting alone in his truck about immigration last week. By the time things on the freeway cleared up he was number one in the country. People want him to host the next presidential debate.”
At press time, Bernard reported a nosediving subscriber count after not being able to muster up an angry enough take for his newfound audience on the issue of women’s high school basketball.
