WORLD WIDE WEB – There is reportedly no telling the absolute horrors Timothy Hamilton’s personal life must contain for the casting of a voice actor in a video game remake to elicit this response, concerned sources confirmed.
“They’ve taken everything from me. Everything. But this? No. This is where I make my stand. I will fight like a Spartan at Thermopylae,” Hamilton said of his campaign centered around a voice actress not being hot enough. “I like blondes. Big boobs. Is that so wrong? Put me in jail. Just do it. I know you want to – just like my dad.”
Those close to Hamilton don’t really exist, so insights into his personal life were sparse, but neighbors said they heard his reaction to the casting news.
“I heard loud, angry weeping, then pure rage. Things were being thrown. Also the whole thing seemed sexual,” a neighbor who shares an apartment wall with Hamilton’s said. “I thought Tim [Hamilton] had been doing better. He seemed OK last time I saw him get the mail. I guess things haven’t been going well for him.”
“Tough economy, people are hurting,” the neighbor added. “I hear you can make money posting online now though so maybe that will work out.”
An ex-coworker of Hamilton, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that Hamiliton’s personal life was a putrid mess of his own making, far beyond the meme-able “momma’s basement” or “divorced gamer energy,” calling it instead, “a true nightmare of loneliness and despair.” And those just getting to know him through online interactions don’t seem to have an improved impression beyond that.
“I wrote a story about the news – kinda a press release rewrite blurb thing. It wasn’t even an opinion piece, just covering it,” games journalist Alison Smith said. “Within a few hours he had my address posted on these forums. I clicked around a bit and oh boy, although it’s scary for me, things are not going well for the people on there. Some of their drawings are really twisted.”
Estimates as to what sort of horrible circumstances could create a man so eager to recast himself as a hero to defend what he calls, “the defenseless console and PC gamer” is still unclear. But Hamilton has been undeterred in his quest.
“Someone needs to stand up and tell the truth. Today, I will be the champion for those unable to speak,” Hamilton said in his fifth unanswered comment on a journalist’s unrelated Instagram post. “Western Civilization hangs in the balance. I am ready to be martyred if need be.”
At press time it seems the casting news otherwise went unnoticed.
