The antitrust lawsuit filed by the U.S. Department of Justice has been ignored by Apple due to the entirety of the suit being printed inside of a green text bubble.
Brenda Anderson, legal counsel for Apple, commented on the lawsuit.
“This lawsuit is just another in a long list of slights against my client. The only thing they are guilty of is providing a magical and revolutionary experience for their customers,” Anderson said. “Add to that the fact that this entire farce of a lawsuit was printed inside of a disgusting green text bubble, and it becomes all too apparent this is blatant overreach by the federal government. Apple will go through the claims alleged against them when the DOJ decides to serve them in a less offensive manner. Preferably in a pleasant blue bubble.”
A DOJ spokesperson shared comments at a press briefing after it was apparent Apple had no intention of responding until the text bubble was changed.
“The ‘Walled Garden’ Apple has built around themselves is just another example of Big Tech abusing the power they’ve been given by consumers. Consumers they are causing active harm to, and it simply won’t stand. Can you imagine if the U.S. Government was ignoring or making excuses for an ally that was actively engaged in some sort of campaign that was doing unspeakable harm to innocent civilians? I think not.” The spokesperson said.
Tim Cook, Apple CEO, claims this lawsuit has no merit, despite having not read it.
“At Apple, we’re focused on delivering the best products ever made to our customers, even if it means creating a worse user experience for everyone. It’s why we courageously removed the headphone jack from the iPhone, it’s why we valiantly make our products impossible to repair, and it’s why we simply ignore anything sent to us inside of a green bubble,” Cook said. When asked what the DOJ needed to do in order for Apple to receive the message Cook said, “You should buy the DOJ an iPhone.”
At press time Apple had offered to FacTime the DOJ to further discuss things, unfortunately they only have Google Meet
