Fans of the original Star Wars Battlefront series are overjoyed with the re-release’s server capacity issues and how it reminds them of their lonely childhoods, sources confirmed.
“Back in the day, I used to load up this game and pretend that all the clones surrounding me in battle were my friends, and the droids were my elementary school enemies,” said Donovan Price, while posting ‘happy birthday!’ to himself on his own Facebook wall. “It’s so nice to revisit those devastatingly lonely memories that would have been classified as severe depression if I had been an adult. I don’t need other people; I just want to mow down droids as Yoda. He’s my height and no one makes fun of him.”
Game dev Lizzy Doherty was astounded by the fans’ response. “We should’ve just claimed we did this on purpose,” said Doherty of the server issues, while signing the in-office petition to fire their PR person. “Who knew being woefully unprepared for the release date would cause the most positive reception a remaster has gotten in years? I never had the opportunity to play the originals because I was busy being cool and having a social life, but the fervor we’ve created is tempting me to try it out.”
Even Yoda himself weighed in on the pandemonium and expressed gratitude for the love he has received for this game.
“Thank you, I must, for playing. But, losers, you are. A path to the dark side, this game is,” said Yoda. “Loneliness leads to anger. Anger leads to playing Star Wars Battlefront alone, thinking it is a healthy coping mechanism for your unresolved trauma. Look to the past, do not. Look to the future. Maybe find a friend or two, you should.”
At press time, EA, the publisher of the newer Battlefront games, was seen trying to emulate the Classic Collection’s magic by finding a way to garner nostalgia for overpriced micro-transactions.
