Tensions behind the scenes over at Disney are coming to a fever pitch.
According to interviews, billionaire activist investor Nelson Peltz is trying to take power away from Disney CEO Bob Iger by splitting his soul into thirteen versions of himself and opening Kingdom Hearts.
Initially it seemed Peltz’s plan involved a sort of proxy battle wherein he would try to get himself on the board of directors by negotiating directly with Disney, however sources close to the situation now report Peltz intends to use Disney executive Ike Perlmutter as a proxy of sort by “norting” him. This process would turn Perlmutter into a ‘Nobody’ of Peltz and would also create a ‘Heartless’ version of him it seems.
“It’s all just standard business practices,” said Peltz while sitting in a chair 30 feet above the ground. “Once I have 13 versions of myself that are all on the board, Iger will be powerless to stop me. After that I’ll be able to open Kingdom Hearts and take full control of the company!” He went on to insist that something called a ‘x-blade’ must be forged.
Although this plot seems to be unstoppable, Bob Iger does not seem discouraged at all by Peltz’s scheme.
“As long as I have my friends by my side, no one can stop me! I just have to let my heart be my guiding light!” Iger said while putting on a giant pair of yellow shoes. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned traveling to all sorts of worlds is that you can always find new people to help you along the way and hope is never lost! Also there’s going to be more layoffs.”
Josh D’amaro, head of Disney parks, seemed to echo some of Iger’s sentiments but warned the battle may not be so easy.
“Oh Bob, always the optimist. Even when Peltz had me norted and under his control he never gave up, luckily he and Perlmutter helped save me. Of course I mean Perlmutter the Wise, not the heartless one who is controlled by Peltz,” D’amaro tried to explain before eventually giving up and unwrapping a sea salt ice cream popsicle.
As this corporate battle rages on behind the scenes, fans seem unfazed and are reportedly just hoping Disney releases at least one semi-watchable movie or TV show by 2025.
