COD players are fed up with the franchise as it continues its freefall from grace, despite never changing and still being wildly popular, multiple sources have confirmed.
“The only thing they’ve ever changed about the game is that it costs $70 now,” said Denzel Riddle, dedicated COD fan and number one hater. “That doesn’t sound like a ton, but after a few years, it’s gonna run my parents’ savings account dry. If you’re gonna make me pay more, at least innovate! Here’s an idea, why don’t you add a mode where I get to be a twelve year old who’s capable of enjoying video games again?”
Riddle isn’t the only Call of Duty super fan to share this negative opinion. Absolutely cracked out 6 year old fan, Philip Braxley, shares Riddle’s sentiment.
“I liked this game better the way they made it when I wasn’t born yet. Black Ops 2 is the best game ever. It’s the same, but old. I had my dad buy me an Xbox 360 from a museum called GameStop and I like it this much,” said Braxley, stretching out his little arms as wide as he can.
Young Braxley has logged over a thousand hours into Black Ops 2 and shows no signs of wanting to move on to a different game, despite what his pediatrician has said.
“The doctor says I have something called early-onset pediatric arthritis. I didn’t learn any of those words yet at school, but my mom says it’s because of all those people I kill on the internet. Call of Duty makes me sad, but if I can’t play it or watch it for more than 15 seconds I get even more sadder.”
Reformed CoD cult member, Josie Winters, weighed in after coming to a personal discovery about the games.
“I’m happy I can finally see the light. Complaining about the new game, reminiscing about an older game that used to piss me off just as much, it just wasn’t worth it,” said Winters, levitating a few inches off the ground like Criss Angel. “COD can change as little as it wants, because I am no longer tethered to its stagnant, yet rapidly declining soul. I’m better than all of you.”
At press time, Riddle and Braxley were seen trying out Madden 24 in hopes of a different experience.
