ALHAMBRA, Calif. — Fans of the highly anticipated Assassin’s Creed: Peace and Love, which takes place during the 1970s American sexual revolution, lined up outside of their local GameStop today reportedly unaware the value of their game will significantly drop as soon as they drive it off the lot.
“I’m hoping this sucker will sell out, so I can binge it for 600 hours, plus the 10 hours of day-one DLCs, and then flip it,” said the visibly unshowered Leo Schwarmin.
Despite the fast-falling value of new games, physical copies are still favored by many gamers who want a certain level of ownership, tradeability, and protection from losing access in the future.
“Sure, I can get a refund on Steam after two hours of play,” said Clara Bronkowski of Highland Park. “But I enjoy holding onto the physical copies and watching them decline in value rapidly as I consider that one day I could complete my first-ever trade or sale outside of whatever GameStop offers me.”
According to researchers, video games depreciate in value by as much as 70% as soon as it’s off the lot, with an additional 5% every day after that. The value only rises after it’s re-released on a retro mini-console.
“I actually brought eight used games to GameStop to trade in and, for whatever reason, I ended up owing them money,” stated Aristotle “Big Saw” Gibs of Pasadena. “Said they were lemons. I do not understand the logic. But I still gave them the $10, in addition to the full price of the Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (second reboot) Ultimate Edition. It has the hospital bombing DLC.”
When reached for comment, GameStop only mentioned that they are giving a 5% extra trade-in credit on pre-order purchases for a game that releases five years from now.
