TAMPA, FLORIDA — In a surprising lateral career move, famous YouTuber-theorist Matthew “MatPat” Patrick has officially signed a three-year deal with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to be their starting quarterback. This comes only moments after a surprise retirement announcement, leaving fans of football and Undertale alike surprised and searching for meaning.
“I don’t want to shy away from the fact that I have a legacy,” says MatPat.
“I’ve got a long career behind me, but I can assure you that I have an even longer one ahead of me. I’m a specialist in building dynasties – possibly the greatest ever … I don’t see any difference between making over 50 Five Nights at Freddy’s fan theories and being a Super Bowl ready quarterback. They ask of me the same thing: courage.”
MatPat, 37, claims that his retirement announcements were sincere, and that there were legitimate plans in place for him to “settle down and finally play some age-appropriate games, like CS2 or Rainbow Six: Siege.”
As he wept tears and declared himself his fan’s ‘grandpa’, it seemed like it was really the end for the GOAT theorist.
But Jason Licht, Buccaneers GM, says that he had to jump on the opportunity:
“We’ve wanted to pick that boy up from the start. My kids have known about him for years, and the Bucs are always looking for new ways to improve. When it got to us that Matthew was retiring, my scouts got right to it,” Licht said while brushing up on all of Matpat’s videos, or game tape.
“He might not be as experienced, but there’s just no way to teach the intangibles. There isn’t a single quarterback in the league with the balls to say that Sans Undertale is also, somehow, Ness from Earthbound. That confidence is the difference-maker we need.”
At press time The Game Theorists uploaded a 25 minute in depth theory video about how all the clues to this signing were in Matpat’s ‘retirement’ video.
