INTERNET — Multiple close associates of your favorite Twitch streamer have reported that she is just one more gift sub away from falling deeply, madly in love with you. Yes, you, the reports confirm.
“You’re all she ever talks about,” said a close friend of your favorite Twitch streamer. “Before she streams, she’ll ask me if I think you’ll be watching today. The look on her face when she asks can only be described as longing. After each stream she won’t stop asking me ‘Did you see how many gift subs they sent me? Did you? Did you?’ On the odd days when you don’t watch, she spends the rest of the day moping around, wondering where you were.”
While it may seem at first your favorite Twitch streamer paid you little to no mind, sources report that with each gift sub you sent she began to pay more and more attention to you. Sources confirm this led her to feel affection and even infatuation for you, despite not knowing your name, face, age, location, values, interests, hobbies, goals, profession, passions, personality traits, pet peeves, culinary tastes, fears, anxieties, religious views, political leanings, relationship status, or anything about you at all, really.
“Please, I’m begging you, don’t send her another gift sub,” begged the Twitch streamer’s current boyfriend, who is 6 ‘4 and the most loving and loyal partner anyone could ever ask for. “If you do, I know she’ll leave me. She’ll pack up her bags and show up right outside your door. I just know she will. The last time we made love, she called out your Twitch username. I can’t take this anymore.”
Regular viewers have reported your favorite Twitch streamer’s eyes noticeably light up every time your username pops up on her screen.
“I just can’t help it! It’s so romantic,” said your favorite Twitch streamer. “There’s just something about a complete stranger on the internet sending me exorbitant amounts of money to get my attention that is not at all worrisome! It’s not creepy or sad in any way whatsoever!”
Your favorite Twitch streamer then reportedly sighed your name while looking dreamily off into the distance, hand on their chin, thankful that doing their job doesn’t attract any troubling attention from strangers online.
