BOISE, IDAHO — Local Boise resident George Jacobs was found incredibly frustrated after he revisited a game from his extensive backlog and almost immediately remembered why he never beat it, sources confirmed.
“As soon as the loading screen finished, a wave of bad memories washed over me,” said Jacobs, “It only took a few seconds to recognize all the problems, the terrible art direction, the clunky gameplay, the unfair enemy design. I knew it wasn’t a great game but I could’ve sworn it was better than this.”
George suffers from a case of Backlog Syndrome. Most common with adult gamers who’ve spent an unhealthy amount of money on seasonal sales. Backlog Syndrome causes their brain to form false positive memories of games permanently in their backlog. Upon revisiting said games, the whiplash of expectation to reality can cause a strong emotional reaction.
“I was just sitting here on the patio when I heard him groaning like he had a kidney stone,” said George’s girlfriend, Mary, “I rushed into the living room to find he was actually groaning at this map with hundreds of little icons. I asked if he knew what they meant and that just made him groan even louder.”
After turning his console off, it took hours of therapeutic forehead rubbing for George’s blood pressure to return to normal. Backlog Syndrome can lead to serious heart problems and brain aneurysms in the long term, but there are ways to combat it.
“I always tell my patients to think before they re-download”, said Dr. Lincoln, a local psychiatrist who deals with cases of Backlog Syndrome. “I ask them to answer this question: Is there an external reason that you never finished this game? If the last time you played was before a vacation or the start of school, then the answer is yes. If the last time you played was 2 months ago when you had this exact same dilemma, then the answer is no. If the game was made by Ubisoft, the answer is always no.”
Facing a backlog of over 200 full-length games, George has told sources that he’s “probably just gonna play Fortnite or something”.
