This December marks the 20th anniversary of the release of Peter Jackson’s epic conclusion to the Lord of the Ring trilogy Return of the King. What better way to celebrate than to break out our blu-ray extended edition of the films whose run time clocks in just under twelve hours. It is just a coincidence that our father happens to be visiting for the holidays.
Sure, the Lord of the Rings is one of the few things that my father and I have in common and the one thing he doesn’t seem to find “woke” lately. So it is either engage with my father in the perilous journey that is a normal conversation that will almost surely devolve into a yelling contest or we can sit in silence, slowly getting drunker and drunker, while we watch Frodo and Sam carry the Ring of Power to Mount Doom.
My family has always been known for our inventive ways of dodging interpersonal connection, this year choosing to face the daunting trilogy marathon as a united front. Much like the Council of Elrond, my family will be united under the one cause to make it to the end of the holidays without physically fighting on the front lawn. As the opening credits roll, my entire family will collectively sign in relief, knowing that the next half-day of their lives is spoken for, and there is no need to engage in awkward small talk about politics, relationships, or my dad’s new “suspicious” African-American neighbors.
I can really only listen to my dad talk about his new tankless water heater for so long. Middle Earth, on the other hand, is an expansive world where we can escape the minefield of our traumatic relationship and, instead, bask in the glory of epic battles, wizards, and Ents. We got a 24-case of Labatt Blue, two bottles of Wild Turkey, a Kroger cheese sampler, and about six dozen chicken wings to carry us through the marathon.
The only major challenge will be avoiding talking while changing discs and any necessary bathroom breaks. I do worry that my wife or my mother might attempt to disturb that delicate balance that my father and I have created but my wife is just as afraid of talking to that man as I am and my mom, well, mom keeps everything bottled up.
By the time we say goodbye to my parents and watch their car disappear in the distance like the Elves leaving for the Halls of Mandos on Valinor, we know that we will have fought a battle just as hard as the brave men and women of Helm’s Deep. This will truly be a holiday to remember.
