Shocking news Wednesday night as Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State and recipient of medals including Bloodthirsty, Merciless and Mega Kill, has died at the age of 100. Kissinger once thought of as someone with an unending killstreak numbering in the hundreds of thousands now has finally been defeated, and some players have made the ultimate sacrifice to make sure we never see another streak like his.
“We don’t want something like this to ever happen again,” said XxPu$$y$layerXx, one of the heroes who has taken it upon himself to camp outside of spawn to make sure Kissinger never returns. “That bastard seemed unstoppable for years, you’re talking about a guy who got 150,000 kills just in Cambodia alone. Not to mention half a million assists he got in Pakistan in the ‘70s.”
Kissinger was such a force to be reckoned with that he would often play for multiple teams, much of his success came from working alongside Richard Nixon or TrikkyDikky69, as many called him. However he also was a friend to former First Lady and Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, also known as 2Nasty4U.
“What Can I say about Henry, dude was a machine. He helped me realize just how many noobs you could pwn with a single drone strike. I’ll miss him dearly,” she said while downing a Mtn Dew Kickstart.
All that being said it seems players won’t have anything to fear from Kissinger as long as these brave men stay at their post.
“We’re saving up all our care packages and we’ve got spy planes in the air constantly so he can’t sneak away from us,” GunD4ddy420 told us, “There’s really no way he gets through though, we’ve got claymores all over the place snipers camped out in every window surrounding the area, and we’ve really stocked up on monster energy, we’re not going nowhere and he neither is he.”
We can all rest easy knowing that these brave soldiers will keep us from facing his wrath ever again. It’s a good thing too because with his kill streak he could nuke everyone 50 times over.
