WICHITA, Kan. — In a startling turn of events, cartoon pies left to cool on window sills were now instead heating up due to the effects of climate change.
“This is a very inconvenient fact,” explained former US vice president Al Gore. “Cartoon grandmothers everywhere are leaving their pies on window sills to cool, occasionally drawing in a hungry bandit every now and then. Now, these pies are far too hot to steal, and it’s all thanks to changes in the ozone layer.”
The news was a disappointment to many.
“Usually I’d steal one of the pies off of Mrs. Wilson’s window sill– just to fuck with Mr. Wilson, of course,” explained Dennis Mitchell, neighborhood menace. “Now, these pies are too hot and too dangerous to scamper off with. ‘Least that’s what my pops tells me.”
The evidence purported has driven some to become environmental activists.
“It’s despicable, I tells ya,” said Daffy Duck. “Every once in a while, there’s a ghostly hand that appears from the pie, ushering you in, sometimes even picking you up by the tail to invite you over to have a taste. Well, by 2030 that’s all gonna be a thing of the past. So for now, I’m handing out flyers to educate people of this tragedy, to let them know we could very well wind up living in a future that is pie-less.”
At press time, a republican senator tried to prove that climate change wasn’t real by eating a fresh pie on the Senate floor, burning his mouth in the process.
