REDMOND, Wash. — In their latest controversial move, Microsoft has finalized a deal that will see the new Call of Duty come to your cousin’s house for this weekend only.
“I’m gonna have the new Call of Duty game at my house,” said your cousin, who’s usually full of shit when it comes to things like this. “I swear to god. Microsoft called me and said since I was so good at Warzone, they were gonna let me try the new Call of Duty. Uh-huh. I know I lied before when I said I had a PlayStation 5 and I’d really just spraypainted Dad’s old VCR white, but this time I’m telling the truth. They just called me up and were like, ‘Hey Dylan, do you want to play the new Call of Duty this weekend?’ and I was just like, ‘Sure.’”
Despite sounding implausible and much like one of Dylan’s numerous exaggerations, the claim was confirmed by Microsoft earlier today, much to the surprise of the media and public alike.
“Wow, what a shocking deal,” said local gamer Tony Hilton. “Ahead of the November 10th release date, I guess Microsoft is letting some kid play the game all weekend? Sounds weird, but okay. Maybe they’re trying to get him to stream it or write a review or something. I know if I was a friend or family member of that kid’s, I’d be making sure I got my ass over to his house to play that game this weekend. It sounds awesome.”
The unprecedented landmark deal was closed after hours of negotiations between Microsoft, Dylan, Dylan’s parents, and several mediators.
“I told them Dylan can play his war game if he cleans his room,” said your aunt Susan, Dylan’s mother. “And lo and behold they put it into this huge contract. So when I tell Dylan he can’t get on Call of Duty until he cleans his room, I actually have it in writing now. Also I made it say that Dylan has to call his cousin and invite him over to play. And let him use the good controller too, Dylan! It’s all in the contract.”
As of press time, Dylan’s uncle that works at Nintendo was also going to stop by with the new Switch 2 this weekend, possibly.
