Parkour is an urban freerunning activity that was considered cool for five weeks after Casino Royale came out in 2006. Since then, it has been the butt of jokes ranging from The Office’s Michael Scott to your younger cousin quoting Michael Scott, but one population is intent on keeping the thrill and unnecessary athleticism of parkour alive: video game protagonists. Today we’re going to check out the one gym where all protagonists train: Mirror’s Gym.
Mirror’s Gym is owned and operated by two legendary video game stars who left their mark on parkour. Faith Connors, protagonist of the dormant Mirror’s Edge series and Altaïr Ibn-LaʼAhad, star of the first Assassin’s Creed game started the gym together in 2010. They set out to spread their joy of parkour to other video game characters; by all measures, they have been wildly successful. Every single game protagonist since the year 2015 has trained at their gym, bringing flashy, superfluous movement to their respective titles.
Mirror’s Gym differs from other conventional gyms most obviously in its variety of terrain. There are the expected urban obstacles: highway dividers, fruit stands, and skyscraper roof HVAC units. But other areas in the gym offer ancient marketplace and temple themes, while the far corner simulates a hellacious, demonic netherworld. The gym boasts further amenities, like a smoothie station that sells health upgrades of all varieties: med kits, spinning hearts, cooked turkeys on plates, and red potions. The parking lot features a Fast Travel location, allowing for a convenient commute to any customer.
Current members include many stars of upcoming, hotly anticipated games such as multiple Na’vi from Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora. V of Cyberpunk 2077 fame returned to the gym to shape up before the release of this year’s Phantom Liberty expansion.
“This fuckin’ gym is so fuckin’ motherfuckin’ good. Always good to see that fucker Faith and that bastard shitstain Altaïr,” said V, while taking a break from practicing vaulting over cars and sliding into driver’s side windows.
Sadly, after an eight-year run at the very top, longtime members are concerned after hearing rumors that luxury fitness brand Equinox is considering buying Mirror’s Gym and increasing the price to 380 gold pieces per month. Keep an eye on this space for further details.
