FREEZING FORTRESS — A pair of characters in the N64 cult-classic Clayfighter 63 ⅓ went from being Clayfighters to Claylovers after making unmistakably flirtatious eye contact in the middle of a round, sources confirmed while clearly deciding whether to look away or get a better vantage point.
“I was about to unleash a vicious ‘Snow Plow’ move against my ghoulish opponent, when our eyes met, mine of coal, and his etched into a rotting pumpkin,” said Bad Mr. Frosty, while he welled up with tears that quickly turned to ice cubes. “After that, I couldn’t resist and had to let passion take over. Good thing we’re both made of clay, for we were certainly melded together that night.”
When asked to comment on the impromptu makeout session, Bad Mr. Frosty’s opponent Ickybod Clay waxed poetic.
“For so long, be it by Ecto Ball or tossing my own decaying jack-o-lantern head, I have been blessed with the ability to scare my adversaries” he opined, while bobbing back and forth because no one was using the controller. “But I had never been able to confront the one thing that truly scared me: unbridled physical passion for another clay being.”
Throwback Twitch gamer Razzputin, who was playing the game while the inciting incident took place, was decidedly less florid in their recollection.
“Ground my stream to a screeching halt, I’ll tell you that much. Everybody wanted me to stop my commentary so they could focus on the two clay freaks getting it on.” said the distraught gamer, who will only be sitting in regular, non-gaming chairs for the foreseeable future, in an act of defiance. “I knew I should have just fired up Glover instead. A.G.G, man…Always Go Glover. Now THAT little guy’s not making love to ANYbody.”
At press time, the two Claylovers lost the spark of passion when they rolled just a little too close to disgusting unlockable character Boogerman, who leered just a bit too long.
