WICHITA, Kan. — Scott Delrich, a local media collector who frequently espoused the benefits of owning physical copies of games, movies, and music, is facing criticism after his CD and DVD collections were destroyed in a house fire, sources at the Wichita Fire Department confirmed.
“I know this is a tragic situation, but it really does serve him right,” said Shelly Williams, a close friend of Delrich. “I told him a million times: the physical world is ephemeral. Anything you can touch can also be destroyed. All matter exists in a state of progressive rot and decay. Eternal life is inherently ethereal in nature, and old TV shows can only find immortality in the cloud.”
First responders expressed frustration with Delrich’s devotion to physical media.
“We see this all the time,” said Robert Knowby, a local firefighter who disclosed that the blaze likely started when an old VCR in Delrich’s basement shorted out. “Last week we got a call to a mansion owned by a fine art collector. By the time we got there, all of his paintings were burnt to a crisp. Years of his life and millions of dollars wasted, and all for some pictures you can just look at on your phone. It’s pure insanity.”
Delrich gave a tearful statement to reporters at the scene of the fire.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” said Delrich, who was reportedly returning from a trip to his local record store when he discovered that his home had burned to the ground. “I don’t have a place to sleep. Everything was in that house, man. Everything. The quilt my mom made me when I was sick as a kid. My grandfather’s war medals. My fucking cat. Oh God, I’m just completely lost.”
At press time, Delrich was seen crying in relief after firefighters reunited him with his miraculously undamaged DVD box set of The Real Ghostbusters animated series.
