LOS ANGELES — Leaked information from an early Barbie screening confirms that the film contains a hot, steamy scene of Barbie and Ken getting their plastic bodies rammed together by a pair of giant hands.
“I wanted to challenge the unrealistic standards that Barbie sets for young, impressionable consumers,” said director Greta Gerwig. “That’s why we created two enormous CGI arms and let them mash our naked co-stars together. That’s raw. That’s authentic Barbie intercourse.”
Gerwig also collaborated with the film’s composer to underscore the scene with plenty of smooching noises.
“Everyone’s done Barbie sex. When you hit the dolls together, you make kissy noises. It’s common knowledge,“ said pop mega-producer Mark Ronson, who created the music for the film. “If you listen closely, we even added the sound of parents coming down the hallway, asking what the heck is going on in there.”
Lead actors Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling, on the other hand, suffered quite a bit from Gerwig’s perfectionism in the romantic scenes.
“Reshooting the scene so many times left my face completely mutilated,” said Robbie, her head wrapped completely in medical gauze. “My nose is hanging by a thread and all of my teeth were knocked out. My career is ruined. Don’t forget to see Barbie, in theaters July 21.”
Ryan Gosling also suffered a variety of injuries, mostly to his lower half.
“My erection got shoved back into my body like a nail getting hammered. I’m paralyzed from shaft to balls,” Gosling said, offering to show his gruesome injury to interviewers, all of which declined. “But that’s just the kind of thing you need to accept as a serious actor.”
Barbie is rated PG-13 due to smooth, plastic nudity and occasional references to cooties.
