LAKE COUNTY, Colo. — In the midst of a breathless pursuit from a ghastly monster through an abandoned asylum, Eric Holmwood, a local investigative journalist, abruptly stopped running, grabbed a ladder and meticulously inscribed “HE’S COMING” on the ceiling.
“With the monster hot on my heels, my mind started to race with ideas of where the best spot to leave a mysterious bloody warning message would be,” said Holmwood. “So, naturally, I chose a spot where it’d be impossible for anyone to miss it — the ten foot ceiling of the dimly lit hallway.”
“I wanted people to know that he’s coming,” Holmwood said. “That’s why I wrote, ‘HE’S COMING.’”
Later on, local urban explorer Ricky Nolan, stumbled upon Holmwood’s message during an expedition.
“What the fuck am I supposed to gather from this?” said Nolan upon finding the message. “Furthermore, who exactly is this elusive ‘he?’ And is he coming right now, or was he just coming at the time this message was written? I feel like this message was intended to help me, but that was only the tip of the iceberg of my questions.”
The dreadful dark apparition, Shadowthorn, reportedly felt upset by the scrawling.
“OK first of all? That’s my freaking ceiling you’re carving into with a knife. Not cool. That’s literally graffiti, by the way,” Shadowthorn shrieked. “Second of all, I don’t want people to know that I’m coming! I’m trying to sneak in the shadows and stalk my prey. It’s incredibly annoying to suck the souls of my victims if they get a big warning about my presence right before they enter my domain. Really rude!”
At press time, Holmwood was last seen meticulously scrawling another warning message on a grain of rice under a stairwell.
