SAN FRANCISCO — Twitter CEO and aspiring humorist Elon Musk announced today that the press is making too large a deal about the raging fire currently consuming much of Twitter’s fourth floor.
“You can believe everything you hear in the MSM,” Musk tweeted, followed by several dozen cry-laugh emojis. “Like when they said I met Ghislaine Maxwell more times than just the one picture of me and her at a party, or when they said I massively overpaid for a platform I ultimately showed the world I never truly understood. Just so many blatant lies.”
“Based on current trends, fire on fourth floor should be out in 10 to 20 minutes,” he continued.
Despite Musk’s reports to the contrary, the fire managed to spread to the floors above and below it before local firemen were able to control the blaze.
“That was pretty fucking wild,” said local firefighter Glenn Burkhalter, after assisting in the effort. “A building this size, you figure there’s going to be a lot of people in there, so that was our first concern. When we went in though it was just a big empty building with a man sitting at a computer as everything burned down around him. It was a hell of a thing. I thought it was a mannequin or something at first. Having carried him down to safety and spoken to him briefly, I’m still not sure if that was a human or what the hell.”
As of press time, Musk had written ’69’ in the soot on the ground surrounding Twitter headquarters and asked why nobody was laughing.
