BOSTON — A local gamer who has been grinding on three different live service games hasn’t had fun in several months, sources have confirmed.
“Oh Jesus, I have so much to do today,” said local gamer Clark Severson, who recently picked up Marvel Snap, in addition to the other games with resetting daily and weekly goals that he routinely plays. “The season is ending in Snap so I have to do all the challenges before they disappear so I can get the most bonus crates before it all resets. Then I still have to log into Destiny and figure out whatever the fuck is going on over there. Crap. I better use another sick day.”
Friends of Severson concurred that his current slate of live service games don’t seem to be bringing him any joy.
“We all get online to play Warzone most nights,” said friend Dave Hall. “But lately he seems like he’s barely there. We’re all cracking jokes and talking shit, but he’s just complaining about this new card game he’s playing. Then he’s always stressing out about hitting the daily requirements, and how he’s only got a few hours before he has to log onto something else. I don’t know what to tell you man, maybe you need to unplug from some of this shit. Does he not realize that more games with more chores to do all the time doesn’t equate to more fun?”
The gaming industry is sadly trending in this direction, despite the lack of consumer demand for more live service games.
“No one asked for this, and we didn’t listen,” said Martin Sanborn, a spokesperson for EA, publishers of such abandoned live service games as Apex Legends Mobile, Anthem, and Knockout City. “From a business perspective, you have to see why selling a copy of a game is good, and selling a battle pass for ten bucks a month every month for several years is great, right? It’s just better business. And from a gaming perspective… well, gee, you got me there. From a gaming perspective…I guess this all must be …well, it must be a lot of fun. I’m sure of it. No more questions, please.”
As of press time, Severson’s friends had grown concerned after making cryptic and disturbing threats that he was going to check out League of Legends.
