NEW YORK — A nude man causing a commotion at a recent New York Comic Con repeatedly assured witnesses and authorities that he was merely cosplaying as the titular character of The Terminator, sources have confirmed.
“OK yeah, I see what’s going on here, total misunderstanding,” said Burt Weaver, from the back of a parked police car. “Look around man, everyone’s getting into the spirit of things. I see Deadpools, Jokers, everything you can think of. You’re telling me I can’t be the Terminator? Must be pretty embarrassing to be arresting someone who is doing a literally perfect cosplay — the scene right when he beams down from the future. Will someone unlock this door and let me out now? I have a costume contest to win.”
Police officers responding to the call reportedly were not concerned about Weaver’s warnings about what might happen to them should they interfere with his “important mission.”
“I’ve been out here for three of these, and this guy was the wackiest by a mile,” said Ty Woodley, a local police officer. “At first he was insisting that he was doing an incredible job portraying a T-800 model, and then I said aside from his nudity he wasn’t doing a very convincing performance and that we all thought he just wanted to expose himself publicly, at which point he started waving his dick around and yelling ‘I’m a god damned Terminator.’ I… I don’t think that happened in the film.”
Following the obscene outburst, Weaver was subdued and wrapped in a blanket and made to undergo questioning, where he refused to reveal who’d sent him on his mission. Associates of the convention have begun considering what this could mean for the future of cosplaying at their yearly event.
“Yeah, it’s definitely concerning,” said Alexa Short, a coordinator for the annual event. “But if I don’t miss my guess, I’m not all the way sure that was a man cosplaying as a Terminator so much as just, you know, a naked guy that showed up. Pretty quick thinking to say The Terminator. One time I caught a guy fucking some Dippin’ Dots and he swore he was doing American Pie. This is such a creative community.”
At press time, the cops also arrested one of their fellow officers after realizing he was actually just a T-1000 cosplayer getting way too into the role.
