ASHVILLE – Local man, Scott Bailey is in hot water this week after recommending that his girlfriend’s 13-year-old son, Michael Zerg abide by an early bedtime on a school night. Zerg took to shouting negative comments about his mom’s new boyfriend out the window of his second story bedroom.
“Scott Bailey is a phony who treats you nice at first but then he turns on you and tries to act like your dad,” Zerg shouted to anyone who would listen. “He pretends to care about you and does cool things like buy you a new video game or take you out for ice cream. I was misled. I thought he was cool but it turns out Scott is in fact not cool.”
Zerg was not ready to take these atrocities sitting down. His tirade continued as he went into detail about the actions he planned to take against his mom’s bossy boyfriend.
“I have in my hand a petition, demanding that my mom break up with Scott and kick him out of the house,” Zerg shared as he waved a piece of paper out the window to numerous onlookers in the neighborhood. “My brother and I have already signed it. My sister is being weird right now, but she’ll come around and sign it soon. If we get enough signatures, and we will, my mom will have no choice but to meet our demands and kick that loser to the curb.”
Awoken by the commotion outside, Bailey poked his head out of a first floor window to confront the rebellious teen.
“Mike, are you still upset with me, buddy,” Bailey said to no reply. “I only asked you to go to bed, cause your mom asked me to. We know you have that big Algebra 2 test in the morning. Look, I’m still learning how to communicate with you. I love your mom and by extension, I love you and your siblings. Will you please stop review-bombing me to the entire neighborhood and take down your petition?”
At press time, in a sign of solidarity with his new family, Bailey signed Zerg’s petition.
