RIDGEFIELD PARK, N.J. — In the wake of Israel’s spec-ops operation causing hundreds of wireless electronics to explode, Samsung has filed a patent infringement lawsuit against the nation, claiming that they own the sole rights to manufacture exploding wireless electronics.
“We saw on the news what Israel has done and we were absolutely horrified at what we saw,” said Samsung representative Josh Bing in a press statement. “The flagrant stealing of our intellectual property and devices with which we are sole legal owners was appalling to say the least. Samsung has owned the patent on exploding wireless devices since 2016. While we exclusively dealt in exploding phones, our patent extends to any wireless electronic so there is no doubt that Israel crossed a line here and they will pay the consequences for stealing our invention. Genocide all you want but don’t steal our stuff.”
The international community was quick to condemn Israel in the wake of the lawsuit filing.
“Israel has firmly crossed a line with their actions. To so flagrantly and without remorse steal intellectual property that is not theirs,” said U.N. spokesperson Wanda Greene. “The entire international community condemns the appalling actions of Israel and are firmly on the side of Samsung. There are some things that you don’t do, even when you are in a state of conflict and infringing on the patent of an innocent party is close to the top of the list. We understand that they are in middle of enacting a genocide but there are ways to do it without breaking the laws we care about upholding.”
President Joe Biden, whose administration has helped fund Israel’s genocide was asked about the lawsuit during a press conference.
“Listen Jack, if I had known that big Ben was going to steal Samsung’s invention then I never would have wired him the funds he needed to make them. When I asked Brad if there were going to be any innocent casualties with this, he assured me there would only be some civilians caught in the crosshairs, maybe a few kids. So I signed that check and got myself a fresh cone. If I knew that an innocent corporation’s intellectual property was going to be blatantly stolen, I would have told Bentley that he had another thing coming if he thought I would willingly help old CornPop steal the hot dog cart.”
At press time, Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu vowed that they will do better in the future to kill civilians in more original ways.
