NEW YORK — A recent poll of experts showed broad consensus that learning to code is the easiest way for Americans to remain competitive while trying to get a job in 2014.
“It has never been a better time for people with a degree in coding and also a time machine,” says Jack Riggs, founder of a coding bootcamp that made $20 million last year. “I always recommend people learn to code. Then I tell them to watch ‘Orange Is The New Black’ and buy a Wii U. Coding is an essential life skill, like doing math or churning your own butter. Plus, coding teaches people how to toil away in obscurity; and there are always new roles that require people to toil.”
Similar sentiments were echoed by from Sheina Wang, a former HR professional who runs a staffing agency in Manhattan’s Upper East Side.
“If you can choose any career, I’d recommend ‘NBA Player’ or ‘Influencers With A Famous Ass’, but learning to code is good too,” Wang explained. “Companies always need code – this is why they spent so much time teaching computers to write it for them. And, compared to 2014, the job market in 2024 is much broader and more diverse. And by diverse, we mean it’s mostly being done by cheap overseas workers and robots.”
MIT Professor David Tinsdale believes that concerns over automation may be overstated.
“Artificial Intelligence can already beat most programmers in their three major skill-sets: writing code, automating repetitive tasks, and lying about their level of knowledge,” the Professor claims. “However, that doesn’t mean it will eliminate programming jobs. It’s just going to the nature of the work programmers do. For instance: previously, programmers spent most of their days fixing errors and writing boilerplate code. In the future, they’ll have new responsibilities – like driving an uber or filming homemade pornography.”
At press time, Riggs advised today’s youth to pay $20,000 for an unaccredited certificate in PHP and figure out the time travel part later.
