Press "Enter" to skip to content

Video Games

November 27, 2021

Retired Bullet Bill Now Going by Bullet William

Retired Bullet Bill Now Going by Bullet William

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — After decades of launching himself out of cannons and into walls, blocks, and plumbers, iconic grunt enemy and veteran Bullet Bill —…

November 27, 2021

Nintendo Quietly Shelves ‘Pokémon Blood Diamond’

Nintendo Quietly Shelves ‘Pokémon Blood Diamond’

REDMOND, Wash. — Following lengthy internal discussions and massive volumes of fan feedback, Nintendo and Game Freak came to the decision to shelve the forthcoming…

November 27, 2021

“0 Days Since Horribly Damaging Report About Us,” Reads Sign at Activision Blizzard

“0 Days Since Horribly Damaging Report About Us,” Reads Sign at Activision Blizzard

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — A recently installed sign in the Activision Blizzard cafeteria will enable employees to keep track of how many days the company…

November 26, 2021

343 Refuses to Reveal What Master Chief’s Suit Does With All the Cum

343 Refuses to Reveal What Master Chief’s Suit Does With All the Cum

REDMOND, Wash. — Halo Infinite developers 343 Industries have refused to reveal what Master Chief’s armor does with all the semen it collects from jerking…

November 25, 2021

Geno’s Aunt at Thanksgiving Keeps Suggesting He Apply to Be in ‘Smash Bros’

Geno’s Aunt at Thanksgiving Keeps Suggesting He Apply to Be in ‘Smash Bros’

STAR ROAD — Super Mario RPG character Geno, also known as ♡♪!?, had a reportedly frustrating conversation with his aunt Gina this Thanksgiving after she…

November 24, 2021

Gamer Insists PS5 He Doesn’t Have Is Better Than Xbox Series X He Also Doesn’t Have

Gamer Insists PS5 He Doesn’t Have Is Better Than Xbox Series X He Also Doesn’t Have

COLUMBIA, S.C. — In a recent online argument, local gamer Max Anderson was adamant that the PS5 was “far and away” superior to the Xbox…

November 24, 2021

Super Smash Bros Ultimate Finally Lets Gamers Imagine “What If Cloud Fought Sephiroth?”

Super Smash Bros Ultimate Finally Lets Gamers Imagine “What If Cloud Fought Sephiroth?”

TOKYO — Following years of speculation, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate finally allows fans to imagine who would win in a fight between famed video game…

November 23, 2021

Animal Crossing Player Sued After Not Installing Carbon Monoxide Meters in Villagers’ Holiday Homes

Animal Crossing Player Sued After Not Installing Carbon Monoxide Meters in Villagers’ Holiday Homes

KEMAH, Texas — Local man John Hoffman has been hit with a class-action lawsuit after reportedly failing to install carbon monoxide meters in a range…

November 22, 2021

Jackbox Hard Mode Update Bans the Word ‘Cum’

Jackbox Hard Mode Update Bans the Word ‘Cum’

CHICAGO — Jackbox Games released an update to their suite of party games last night, adding a hard mode that bans the use of the…