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Tabletop Games

August 28, 2021

Keeping DM’s Cat Off Table Is D&D Party’s Hardest Challenge of the Night

Keeping DM’s Cat Off Table Is D&D Party’s Hardest Challenge of the Night

LOS GATOS, Calif. — An adorable pet cat has consistently decimated any chance of progression in a year-long Dungeons & Dragons campaign, weary party members…

August 26, 2021

Casual Game of ‘Clue’ Alerts Child to Amount of Murder Weapons in Home

Casual Game of ‘Clue’ Alerts Child to Amount of Murder Weapons in Home

CHESAPEAKE, Va. — Worried family members have confirmed that an ordinary round of the classic board game Clue alerted local child Dylan Cresswell as to…

July 31, 2021

DM In Over Their Head After Player Character Decides to Go to Therapy

DM In Over Their Head After Player Character Decides to Go to Therapy

HARRISBURG, Penn. — Dungeon Master Stan Wixler is reportedly “way out of his element” after one of the player characters in his current campaign has…

July 15, 2021

D&D Players Spend 4 Hours Choosing How to Spend Reward for Puzzle They Solved in 10 Minutes

D&D Players Spend 4 Hours Choosing How to Spend Reward for Puzzle They Solved in 10 Minutes

AKRON, Ohio — A local Dungeons & Dragons group reportedly spent four hours this weekend choosing how to spend the bounty of gold they won…

July 8, 2021

New Edition of Catan Replaces Rulebook With Friend Who’s Played Before

New Edition of Catan Replaces Rulebook With Friend Who’s Played Before

BREUBERG, Germany — Settlers of Catan designer Klaus Teuber announced a new version of his acclaimed board game that replaces the standard rulebook with a…

July 4, 2021

Man Grows Concerned After Tarot Card Reader Pulls Out Bag of Damage Counters

Man Grows Concerned After Tarot Card Reader Pulls Out Bag of Damage Counters

ANTONIO BAY, Calif. — Local man Jay McCarrol experienced a deep sense of dread this week as a fortune teller performing his tarot reading reached…

July 4, 2021

Man Suddenly Realizes He Got Fucking Hosed in Pokémon Trade 20 Years Ago

Man Suddenly Realizes He Got Fucking Hosed in Pokémon Trade 20 Years Ago

ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Local man Dave Roberts is reportedly distraught after realizing he got fucking hosed in a Pokémon card trade he took part in…

July 2, 2021

Report: Local Wizard About to Do Some Major Orb Shit

Report: Local Wizard About to Do Some Major Orb Shit

MADISON, Wis. — Notorious local spellcaster Angwyn Abernant has been spotted fondling his crystal ball for five hours straight, with many residents anticipating some crazy…

June 27, 2021

Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’

Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’

MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…