LUCA, Spira — This week, Maester of Yevon and Minister of Temple Affairs Seymour Guado was awarded a special Blitzball Peace Prize by the officials of the Church of Yevon
“We are honored to award this peace prize to Seymour Guado,” said Grand Maester of Yevon Yo Mika. “If there’s anyone who deserves this most prestigious honor it’s him. He’s an upstanding gentleman, an excellent Maester and beacon of hope for Spira. He wants nothing but the best for Spira and its people.”
While accepting the award, Seymour assured the citizens of Spira of his commitment to bringing peace.
“What a great honor it is to finally be recognized for my peace efforts. There’s a lot of corrupt organizations in Spira that have a bias against me. They refuse to acknowledge how great I am at keeping Sin at bay. So I am very thankful to receive this very wonderful Blitzball Peace Prize. Finally, I get the recognition I deserve for being the most peaceful Maester ever. It is my duty to protect all of you from the evils of Sin and I will stop at nothing to make sure Spira is fully at peace. You are all in an endless suffering and I will do whatever it takes to end it. I will literally kill all of you if it means achieving peace. That’s how committed I am.”
Some in Spira say the award itself is simply meant to appease Seymour.
“It’s a bit of a joke award, ya,” said Blitzball player Wakka. “I mean blitzball is just a sport, what could a blitzball peace prize even be for you know what I’m saying. That Seymour is a bit of an odd one anyway, ya. It’s clear this is just Yevon giving him something to stroke his ego. They want to keep on his good side cause they’re afraid and spineless, ya.”
At press time, Seymour was reportedly seen brandishing his prize in front of an uninterested Lady Yuna.
