HADDONFIELD, Ill. — Avid eBay reseller Camden Porter received quite a surprise this past weekend when he discovered what he believes to be an extremely rare version of Pokémon Yellow at a local neighborhood yard sale.
“The minute I laid eyes on it, I knew it had to be something special,” said an ecstatic Porter over the phone as he drove home with his prize. “Some loser is definitely gonna pay through the nose for this chunk of plastic. It’s crazy what grown men will cough up for kid’s toys these days!”
Porter claims that this purchase is just one of many investments he’s made in an effort to exploit current trends.
“See, the Pocket Monsters are hot right now. Nephew can’t stop talking about it,” Porter said smugly. “And he was all over that GameSpot, Rocket Hood thing or whatever. Even made 50 bucks, not bad for 28 years old. He knows what’s up.”
Porter was even kind enough to share his secrets to success.
“Listen, you see anything Pokémon related? You scoop it. Hell, anything that’s even Pokémon adjacent,” the balding e-commerce pioneer explained. “Last month I pulled a rainbow Charizard and almost made a quarter of my rent! What’s some kid gonna do with that, play with it? Tough cookies, pal. Uncle Cammy’s got most of a hydro bill to cover.”
For all of Porter’s excitement, yard sale host Gabe Brazile didn’t seem thrilled with, or even remotely interested in, his recent sale.
“Yeah that guy paid like 300 for it, didn’t even try to barter. I don’t even know if it’s Pokémon, the cartridge is just yellow,” Brazile lethargically recounted. “My kid’s dyslexic and has an oral fixation with adhesive, so this was just kind of an eventuality with all my old shit. He finds, he chews, he draws. Rinse, repeat.”