Our nation’s schools are facing a crisis — not a crisis of health, but a crisis of fear. Parents, misinformed by the liberal media, seem to think all of our children will die if schools proceed with their completely justified and totally necessary reopening plans. Fortunately, when Pikmin 3 Deluxe re-releases on Nintendo Switch this fall, parents and children alike will certainly be reminded of the virtue of sacrificing oneself for the greater good.
The Pikmin series has always been a favorite of mine, especially when thinking of education. Just like children, the titular Pikmin creatures follow a strong, dedicated leader who’s responsible for acquiring his own supplies in an effort to solve puzzles and fight monsters while sometimes dying for the cause — in other words, learning!
Do Pikmin occasionally encounter dangers during their unconventional education? Of course. Even a brilliant educator like Olimar can’t protect them from the realities of life, even with the help of the generous tax vouchers provided by his employer, Hocotate Freight.
But no matter how bad things look, we don’t make our Pikmin stay at home just because 2-3 percent of them might die. Pikmin have an innate desire for order and leadership, just as our children crave structure. They need humanoid aliens to hurl them at enormous post-apocalyptic beasts, just as our children need to be hurled at our enormous post-apocalyptic economy.
Most Pikmin survive encounters with creatures like the Armored Cannon Beetle — a far more dangerous foe than a virus, I might add! — This should humble our children, and their parents at how cowardly humans seem in comparison to these small, courageous Pikmin.
It’s not just about making sure our real-life Pikmin are learning, though. It’s also about freeing up their parents to work so that job creators can continue to produce value and buy a new boat — er, keep the economy afloat.
I encourage all families to gather around and play the new Pikmin together when it releases this October. Parents and children will be able to gather around the TV and watch as Pikmin emerge victorious from far greater battles than those our schools face now. Rejoice in the relatively high survival rate, and rest assured that while some other players’ Pikmin will die, your Pikmin will probably be fine.
Children, imagine yourselves in the mighty Pikmin’s shoes. Bravely soar toward that Red Bulborb, and come out stronger as a result. Most importantly, be assured that you’ll likely survive, even if thousands of your friends don’t.
Check out our comedy podcast The Video Game Super Show! Show, in which two of our editors watch and discuss every episode of 1989’s Captain N: The Game Master: